[23F] No personal identity, no true desires, too naive for everything

I just broke up with my boyfriend \[35M\] of FIVE years two weeks ago. We were long distance for 4 years and I moved in with him in another state last year. I have now moved out and am back with my parents.
(He was addicted to IV heroin and I finally decided I couldn’t live with it anymore)

So I haven’t been single since I was 18. I never dated around, I didn’t even really date my ex like a traditional relationship… I don’t know what’s okay to say what’s not, I get attached easily, I don’t know what I want for myself, I’m too naive for love and I have a serious amount of healing to do.

But it’s made me realize I gave the last few years of my life to someone completely, and those were pretty crucial years… late teens early 20s when everyone’s messing up and parting and meeting lots of people, hooking up etc.. now I wanna make up for all I missed out on but everyone my age is starting to chill out, or that’s what it seems like anyway.

I didn’t get to do much of that. I wanted to so, so badly but he was too sick to have fun so I always did what was on his level.

and its obliterated my identity. Sexually I feel broken, i feel scared around men and their expectations, I feel worried another person will never want to sleep with me because of my past with this person, or not trust me because it was so long term…
I want nothing for myself. I don’t know how to be a person with interests outside of buying things and doing art sometimes. He had all these personal goals and desires like travel and different tech jobs and collecting things, and I just went along with whatever he liked all the time. For as long as I can remember.

I’m a lonely person that likes to be as kind as I can. I get taken advantage of over and over but this is my personality and therapy is not working. I need to find my spine. I feel like a child