I don't even see the point anymore

Im ugly asf and dont have friends. I study and work just because its what im supposed to do, what im told to. Im tired of everything, I dont have anything to live for. I just idk, exist. I dont LIVE. I've wasted my teen years- didnt party, didnt go out with friends, nothing. Im turning 18 in less than 2 months. All ive done up until now is bed rot, study and be a bad daughter and sister.

I am too ugly to even go out and date. I am not a pretty woman, and even if i was, i wouldn't be comfortable wearing cute clothes and shit. I wish I was born a man. A pretty one. I wish I had a boyfriend or girlfriend, and friends. I desperately want friends but have none.

This post is all over the place, im sorry. I just want to get it out of my chest. Im so sosososososo tired of everything, i just wish i was someone else.