What were the shifts in libido like with your cheating partner?

I strongly suspect my husband is a serial cheater. His libido shifts is one of the biggest indicators, I think. He initially didn’t show much interest in me, after we met in person, having spoken online for years beforehand. He was very sexual online but turned me down in person. When we were intimate eventually, initiated by him, it felt forced. For a year he turned me down frequently and made me feel unwanted. And I had fleeting suspicions at the time something was going on. He broke down and told me had ocd about not finding me attractive, right before he started medication he claimed killed his libido. He showed barely any interest in me for months, up until I lost more weight, having already lost a lot before that.

He started to engage in PDA when he didn’t before. And so it seemed his treatment, and interest changed, after I lost weight. But he still claimed to have a low libido, which I didn’t think was true. I caught him looking at porn, which he denied, and then said was to test himself. I started to suspect he was cheating due to several suspicious things he was doing, which went on for months. He turned me down often, including in lingerie, and went soft on me, blaming the meds. Yet, at the same time, he posted somewhat explicit photos of me on here, posing as me, asking what other guys would do to me. I found the screenshots, and he seemed taken aback when I did. He engaged in a brief sexual conversation with one of the men who commented.

He told me it was because he noticed the guy was married and he wanted to out him. He had a fantasy of me being with other men, and prior to this tried to get me to sext a random guy, right around the time I first started to suspect him. He told me he wasn’t serious after I refused. Looking back I wonder if he was trying to make himself feel less guilty, or perhaps set me up. He would tell me he felt asexual at times, but then I’d catch him ogling other women, which he denied. I sat on his lap once, and he got erect, but denied it. He showed me the most interest when I dressed in a way he w/ore shamed me over. He wouldn’t touch me during sex, and also avoided closeness outside of it, moving his crotch away from me.

He’d have random spikes in libido, that didn’t make sense. One time he came onto me three times in one day. He touched me, which he rarely did, and he did so properly when he never did before. I noticed he was shaved more down there than usual. Before I could comment on that, he acknowledged it looked suspicious, and said it was an accident as he used an electric razor opposed to scissors. He later called me abusive, however, for thinking he was keeping it trimmed for months as it appeared he was. He often wanted to do risky things, like doing it in dressing rooms, or places we could be caught. I regained weight, and he showed less interest, but insisted it had nothing to do with my weight and never did. At the time, he was avoiding me, and going off to another room.

He said he was dealing with mental health issues. He became defensive over a message thread with a woman, about concert tickets, accusing me of being upset because I thought he was flirting with her which wasn’t true. He started to put me down over my weight during arguments after a while, but said he didn’t mean it, and only said it to hurt me. A few days before I suspect he cheated last year, he came onto me twice a day, two days in a row. He also snooped on my phone, the first time in a long time, something he only did when he was acting shady. For a week after that, he showed no interest, and then came onto me in the car. He knew where to go, when the few times before he struggled to find somewhere.

He drove to a park, to a well lit area, and wanted to do it outside of the car. He tongue kissed me for the first time, which I believe said before he didn’t like. He hasn’t done it since then. We went home to visit my family last summer, and he behaved suspiciously there. He lost almost all interest in sex, though he switched to a medication that was supposed to impact libido less, and initially told me it was improving as he said before on other medications. For the last year his libido has been all over the place. He was going soft on me a lot and blamed it on nerves, or denied it. He started touching me, which he said he didn’t do before due to worry he’d lose his erection, but he didn’t put barely any effort in, and didn’t do it right for some time.

He started asking weird questions months ago. Where I got my perfume, where my toy was from (he seemed to really want to know) though he had never used it on me, and when I asked him to once during sex once, he declined. He had a spike in libido that lasted a week, and he chalked up to lowering the dosage of his medication. He used the toy on me a few times, and seemed into it, but stopped after he said his libido dropped again. I asked him to do oral, and he said he would, but then came up with reasons why he didn’t want to before telling me he didn’t like it. But for some reason, he started to after that, and insisted on doing it. He wasn’t good at it, at first, but improved over time, like he was learning, though we were doing it less than before.

He doesn’t flirt with me. He doesn’t show much interest in me outside of sex. I don’t think he’s interested in me but I also think he’s seeking sex elsewhere.