Feeling like I’m married to my best friend, but not my romantic partner.

My husband (44m) and I (44f) have been together over a decade, married for 7 years. We’ve had sex only once in five years. I have zero suspicion of cheating, I think my husband just has low sex drive, and likely trauma from his past. I fully believe his last partner was abusive in every way, including regular sexual coercion, which may have killed his drive. He may just be on the asexual spectrum. The problem is I’m very sexual, have always had a healthy libido, but I also crave sensual touch and the attraction of my partner. I had gotten used to little to no sex, but also haven’t felt good about myself since having our youngest child and some complications, as well as putting on significant weight. Hubby has been saying the weight gain isn’t a factor, he still thinks I’m beautiful and attractive, but it’s hard to believe given or absent sex life. I do have a chronic pain disease and have been sick a lot, and he recently told me he has a hard time seeing me as a sexual being when I’m sick or in pain, which is fair. But I worry my disability will not significantly change, and if we struggle now it’s not likely to improve.

I feel like we’re best friends, good partners, but not romantic anymore. I miss sex, but also tender touch, feeling taken care of, loved and cherished. He’s not a bad person, he’s not abusive, we’ve actually done good things together and both grown as people. But I don’t know that we are meant to stay together romantically.

Can you come back from this? If you love your partner as a friend, can you rediscover the spark that’s gone? When do you decide it’s not happening?