“I will come to you when I will be in the mood” - difference in libido & how can I initiate properly?
Hi! So, I need an advice. Me 26F and my husband 32M have a problem with the difference in libido.
Before we got married everything was super fine, he was flirting with me a lot and wanting to have intimacy.
Then, just one month after we married, I started feeling a change. He stopped flirting with me verbally and wanting so much intimacy. He also told me we spend too much time together, etc. I think he had a hard time to get used to “married life” and living with me, not alone (but that’s just my assumption). We also had and still have financial problems. They occupy his mind a lot and affect his mental health and confidence.
I have a really high libido and there’s rarely a time when I’m not in the mood, maybe just when I’m sick. He said he never had problems with that but he now realised that intimacy is not so important as finances. It’s really sad that he realised that now, after he married me.
Anyways, I asked him many times, I think too much even because he said that the more I ask, the more pressured he feels and I also shouldn’t ask directly but try to do smth else. I think I just don’t have ideas. I was trying to flirt with him trough messages but I was somehow always doing that in “a wrong time” (when he was at work, or he was stressed, etc) or he was just changing the topic to something dry like groceries. The only thing that worked is putting some lingerie on. Do you have maybe other ideas?
I was also thinking to stop asking or initiating completely because once he said “I will come to you when I will be in the mood”. But I also find it a bit egoistic that I can’t say that I need intimacy… And I also fear that if I stop, he will also stop…forever. It affects my mental health and my confidence a lot. Whenever we don’t do it for couple of days I feel like my mood is so bad, I feel frustrated and my confidence is worse. It also might be, that I connect my worth with being desired too much.
I have a fear he might be into someone else. I knew he deleted the chat with the woman (it was only memes but still I don’t accept it). He said sorry and promised he will never do it again but it made me think how many times he could do the same and I didn’t saw it. I saw it just because he gave me his password and I think he forgot to quickly delete the chat before I already saw it. I don’t know what to think about it all. I don’t know how much % of his lower libido is about financial problems, me being taken for granted or just him searching for an attention from other woman
Posted May 12, 2026, 2:47 PM UTC