Feeling sad my dad didn’t teach me the heritage language. Anyone in a similar position?

My dad grew up fluent in my grandparents native language as they were both immigrants, and made sure he could speak and write it perfectly. However, he never passed any of it down to me for some reason. He says he is not really sure why, but i suspect it had something to do with my mom being native (to my home country) and him taking the easy route, since i know it was on the table several times during my childhood.

It has made me somewhat dread the yearly/bi-yearly vacation where we visit my dads side of the family, because i know it will be hours of feeling left out which feels kinda humiliating, and i’ve missed alot of bonding with many of my older relatives who don’t know English, on top of kinda feeling like a turist when i should atleast to some degree feel a connection. My older relatives have also talked about being sad about not being able to have any meaningful connection with me.

In the end, i know i can’t go back and change the past and make my dad teach me. Unfortunately, the language has relatively few speakers, so there aren’t that many good sources to learn from, and i know it won’t be the same as if i would have learnt it as a child.

All this sort of puts me in a limbo where i on one hand feel like i should make the best of the situation, devote myself and just fix it, while on the other hand i just feel like being done with it.

Has anyone had a similar experience? How did you deal with it?