Mother has always been ashamed of me

this has been building up inside me for years and for some reason I just want to get some of it out

for background I am half white(mum is white with blond hair) and half dark Asian so I have olive skin and very frizzy black hair

• parents divorced when I was around 6 - she never told me this (still to this day will not admit she’s a divorcee not a widow) and always said my dad was a chemist if anyone asked (he drove a taxi)

• made me sit for a painted portrait for about 2 hours and when it was done it looked like Snow White. white skin, perfect features, very innocent looking, she obviously had told the painter not to paint me as I was (an overweight light brown skinned chubby faced girl) the portrait is still in her house displayed with pride and I cannot wait to burn it when I get chance

• i used to play clarinet when I was 7-10. my cousin then started learning clarinet a few years ago when I was around 31. she bought it round and my mum said go on you play it you used to be brilliant, I couldn’t even blow into it. the reed blowing strength obviously had worn out of my body over the last 25 years but o my god she was devastated. absolutely beside herself that I’d humiliated her so much in front of the family

• not allowed to drink from a can ever, especially not in the street (or eat ANYTHING on the street) or else everyone would think I was a prostitute???

please does anyone have validation for me that this really was not ok and I’m valid that this still upsets me that she can’t accept me for who I am?

thank you for reading