I (48) trying to decide if I stay with wife (47) of 20 years after a long separation and her seeing someone else.

We separated last year largely due to my issues. I was emotionally unavailable. It was her idea to separate. She had her issues also but long story short we have been separated over a year, we weren’t separated to divorce but so that I could work on my issues, we were not seeing other people. I never moved out, I just moved to a spare bedroom.

During that year things were not great. Living in the same house, often times I gave her the cold shoulder or outright gave her the silent treatment. I was angry and hurt and felt betrayed. Things were hot and cold over the year with me in therapy, trying to work on my issues.

Last weekend I found out that she had been seeing a much younger man. She doesn’t want to tell me the extent of their relationship. She doesn’t want to tell me how many times they slept together or for how long but I suspect it had been going on for about 4 months.

She broke down and confessed and said that she felt horrible, that she realized that she just wanted to be with me and that she felt like a horrible person.

So now all of a sudden she wants to work things out, says she only wants to be with me, that I’m her “person”.

I can’t help but feel like this guy she had been seeing broke up with her and now she is worried that she will lose the only man left in her life.

It’s also worth mentioning that I pay a majority of the bills. She doesn’t make a lot of money and pays what she can. It always hasn’t been like this, there were times when she made more money and paid more.

I don’t know if I should stay or if I should go. I originally told her that I couldn’t forgive her and that while I would always love her and be her friend I couldn’t be with her. She said that I what she did was a mistake and she has an immense amount of guilt and anxiety from it.

I do want to be with her, I love her. I just don’t know if I can forgive her. I know I wasn’t the best husband but i always tried to be. I realize now that I should have gotten help for my issues a long time ago but better late than never.