well i don't know i am starting to feel so irritated with all this religion sh\*t recently , i first started questioning god and religion when i was 12 and now i am 19 and all these 7-8 years i have been in arguments with my parents about religion and god , at first i didn't mind people doing all this bullsh\*t like wasting milk on shivling etc. , i was able to manage my mental state till i was 18 , well after i turned 18 or maybe it started when i was 17 but anyway things starting to get really bad with my mental state , i started to become depressed the more i think about life and its value , and this stuff was going on in my head and i was also giving jee and right now i am a dropper 

so this was my mental state and i don't know what goes through my parents head because after every exam they were like "lets go to temple " ,and so after my jee adv result came out ( i failed ) my parents took me my nani's ( mom of my mom) place as there was this one temple which my parents want to visit and so we went to that temple , so in that temple what i saw just fuck\*d my mind so bad ahhhh..... man 

so what happened is that this temple was on a small mountain and on stairs there was literally so much wheat grains that it was so difficult to walk , man wtf here people don't have enough to eat and they are wasting so much , and there was this small swimming pool size water body which has some water and mud and that water was really black and you can tell something is wrong with this water and guess what people were drinking that sh\*t and applying that to their bodies and my parents went to the edge of that pool and took water and told me to apply it to my forehead , well man i snapped in my head , i kept cool outside and refused and they were forcing me and i just ran away to were our car was parked and after some time they came back and were angry at me but still i was so relieved that i saved myself from that water and form that day man i can't look my parents the same way 

and i am still with thoughts about life's worth and some times i think of sui\*ide but haven't done it , anyway please tell me how to keep myself sane even after i see something fuck\*d up happening in the name of god or religion , well i am not asking for help about sui\*idal thoughts as i keep in touch my elder sister who is a doctor ( she is as surgeon but she studied psychology ) she helps me with that but i can't bring myself to ask her to help me with this religion thing as she is a very busy person

I am fed up with this world