Advice needed

Hey,

Long story short, it’s been a while since i’ve been myself. More than two months feeling absolutely dead inside, cried a lot, been depersonalising, living i a surreal world, but life had no meaning for a while already. Also had episodes of extreme irritability, anger issues etc. And then some extremes like “i can do anything”. My psychologist offered to visit psychiatrist. After first visit received some sleeping pills. More than a month passed until psychologist’s recommended to visit psychiatrist again, as my thoughts on suicide were getting more visualised..so i went to the doctor, after a long conversation and analysis she said that i’ve the indications for hospitalisation. I said i don’t want.. so received some prescriptions for antidepressants.the next day i went to get a haircut, it ended up so bad, that i’ve been hysterically laughing and dissociating at the salon. The day after it I went to meet with friends, been drinking and eating non stop. We run out of alcohol but i felt blunt and not even drunk. Couple more days had passed and i had many doubts about my need for the pils, and questioned everything, did i really felt that bad, when suddenly realised that my obsessive thoughts about my state and constant doubts and looping circles are the problem. Sooo.. thought that i need to take some pils, and idk what happened, it’s just a second day of me taking it, but now im feeling ok. Like not ok, but boosted and now idk whether it’s the swing to the other side, or the problem just dissapeared? I’ve never had such problems, i never had any antidepressants, i don’t know how to react and how to behave. Should i stop taking them? Gemini and GPT say i shouldn’t and that this better feeling might come from reduced tension for my nervous system that the “help is here”.
Sooo.. please, share your thought as i’m obsessively circling and doubting this decision now.. help..