My cancer, my wife's struggle

Hi all, and sorry in advance for long post.

I am 40/m, elementary teacher, never had any real health problems aside from alcoholism (almost 7 years sober, woohoo).

This semester I kept having to leave work from stomach issues. Long story short, about a month ago I was diagnosed with stage 4 colorectal cancer that has traveled to my liver. In a WONDERFUL bit of news, they found that the spots on my liver were actually something I was born with and are not cancerous. Just had a PET scan yesterday to check for anything else before they downgrade me from stage 4.

I am halfway through 4 chemo treatments and then will have surgery in summer. So far so good... I've even been able to work most days.

But my post is mostly about my family, and my wife specifically. If you have any helpful advice, it would be greatly appreciated.

My wife has BPD and is bipolar. I love her with all my heart, and the combination of meds and therapy has done wonders for her/us. But my cancer diagnosis has unlocked something in her. She is terrified, angry, taking it out on nurses and doctors (she is a nurse herself), angry with me, goes back and forth between being overly supportive and completely unsupportive. She texts me sometimes 200 times a day while we're at work. I even had to call the police (had never done that) a couple weeks ago because I was scared for her safety. She also went inpatient at a behavioral health place for a few days, but nothing is different. She regularly discusses harming herself or ending things (this is not new, but has become a much more constant topic of conversation).

What really made me realize things must change is when my whole elementary school surprised me with a supportive walk around the school. They had signs, made posters, wore blue... It was one of the most touching moments of my life.

My wife was... not happy. She felt like I'm getting all the attention (I *despise* attention... I don't even like birthday dinners), that no one is considering her, teachers pooled some donation money for us and my wife said I should keep it for myself because "it's not for her anyway". I got a blue shirt for the walk and she wanted me to throw it away, etc.

There are many, many more examples, but you get the idea.

I know it's hard being a spouse of someone with cancer. I can't imagine. But I also know I have to prioritize my own mental and physical health, and this is not working.

We have lots of family support, and both my Dad and her parents said I can come stay with them for a while if needed. But I know that will set off a chain reaction that will be very difficult for everyone.

The thing that keeps getting me is that she can be so supportive and my biggest cheerleader. She's my wife and my best friend. And I need her now more than ever. But there's a block for her somehow that she keeps thinking "he's going to die and no one cares about me."

Our kids (elementary age) have been spending lots of time at grandparents' houses, so luckily they haven't physically seen or heard any of this. But kids are intuitive, and I know it's affecting them beyond just the cancer.

Thoughts? Ideas? Has anyone been through this?