Toxic communication at work

Hey girls, just need advice:

I’m struggling with a coworker communication dynamic that genuinely dysregulates me, and I’m trying to understand whether I’m overreacting and do I need to explain to her that she is toxic or not?

I have a shift lead at work who has had a very dismissive/oppositional communication style with me basically since day one. We have very chill and friendly space in general, but shifts with her is like walking on the eggshells for my brain.

Examples:

* If I mention an autism or ADHD-related struggle (I am not the only ND in this team) she responds with things like “everyone has that.”

* If I describe my subjective experience, she often argues with it or reinterprets it instead of just share hers/listen/communicate. Like trying to prove that she understands my experience and feelings better.

* She tends to turn conversations into debates, even when she clearly doesn’t fully understand the topic she’s debating. Really: argue on smth she have zero knowledge or experience

* She often responds with counterarguments instead of curiosity.

One thing that especially bothers me is that she seems to treat my inner experiences as something she can explain back to me “more correctly” than I can myself.

Example:

I once said I didn’t want to correct a mistake on a card with white-out because I cared about aesthetics and thought it looked ugly. She responded with “You should be more compassionate to yourself,” which completely missed my actual point and reframed a neutral preference as a psychological issue.

I’ve realized that what dysregulates me isn’t disagreement itself. It’s:

* chronic invalidation,

* compulsive contradiction,

* and people overriding my own understanding of my internal experience.

At this point I mostly avoid talking to her unless necessary because I feel constantly stressed. Also I was abused and my husband did the same: invalidated my experience.

Would you say it’s worth calmly addressing, or is distancing yourself usually the better strategy with people like this at job place?

(my apologies translated with gpt)