Half In, Half Out

D2C / PBSE2 just speaks so much truth. This is exactly how my husband deceived me and his CSAT and his sponsor and his SAA group for 7 years of "recovery". He did allllll the things, checked all the boxes, but lied about THIS stuff and manipulated my reality. His heart was never fully in it. He wasn't trying to kick the addiction's ass, he was just trying to manage it better. Everyone said don't listen to his words (because they lie and lack integrity), but watch his actions. And on the surface, his actions were all correct. Then I read that he should be becoming a better man, be more present, be more empathetic and compassionate to me, build safety for me, protect me. And superficially, yet again, he did that to an extent. But it was all very superficial. I didn't understand until these last few months the DEPTH that TRUE recovery entails and creates. It was only when I was sobbing for two days straight, thinking back to something he had done years ago with acting out, and he walked away from me and ignored me, that I realized something was very very wrong and that a man in recovery/who had worked recovery would not walk away like that. A man in true recovery would have leaned into my emotions, held them, shouldered them with me, owned them as the one who created that trauma, and stepped up. This is when I went on the hunt again and discovered the past 7 years of "recovery" had been a lie. He had always kept that door open. And in short order, it had led right back to the same old patterns and behaviors.

Ladies, do not compromise. Take nothing less than FULL commitment that they themselves initiate and work fully and truthfully as if their life depends on it. Because it does.

https://www.daretoconnectnow.com/post/half-in-half-out-recovery-he-says-he-s-changing-but-keeps-the-addiction-door-cracked-open