Mind games? Am I the problem?

I already know what you will say. It’s just so confusing, depressing, and infuriating…

(47f) married 22 years to (51m)

2022-24: At first I didn’t know what was going on. The weird comments were occasional and they didn’t cause disputes. Then it became more and more.

2024-25: I started to push back. We began to fight a lot. I requested that we just take certain topics off the table. Agree to disagree. Could be minutes or days later he would approach with “one more thing about _____.” Or he would text a meme or video (usually from X). Sometimes I wouldn’t engage at all or respond with “I’m not discussing this with you”. The cycle would continue until a verbal assault between us started the cycle all over. I thought he’d snap out of it.

Summer 2025-present: He gathered more theories, went from atheist to reading the bible and attending church. THEN, through some research, I learned what was happening. I found this group, bought the book “The Quiet Damage” and learned the correct way to talk to ‘these people’. Nothing has worked. The cycle continues.

Over this time, he views me as the argumentative one. I’m the one who has distanced myself. I’m the one who isn’t being a good wife to him. I’ve had a consultation with a lawyer. I’ve looked into therapy. I’ve talked to a friend and my sister. He doesn’t bring things up with his family/friends. He may drop a little nugget, but immediately backs off if there’s any indication that they may disagree or view him as crazy. Pretty sure non of them are even aware of what this Qult is. In between arguments life goes on as normal (for him) and we even have the occasional good moment. The tiny thread I’m holding on to hasn’t broken, but it is about to snap.

With that said, I still have this nagging internal struggle about my own sanity. Could I have handled this better? Could I have done more? He tells people we are having problems because I’m depressed and I ignore him. I close myself off etc. He honestly can’t see that I’m in pain over this and that he’s the one who has made me this way (even though I’ve told him and he has seen me sobbing many times). It’s sad and so very confusing.