self love feels impossible

i’ve done therapy (different types), i’ve heard all different sorts of advice, and nothing has even touched how much i hate myself deep down.

when you’ve spent 10 years of your childhood in a state of absolute self-loathing, i feel like there’s nothing that can touch that. nothing has made it better, and nothing ever will.

i might as well just self destruct and keep letting people use and abuse me, as i’ll that’s all i’ll ever be able to get and i’ll never ever love myself enough to choose better for myself.