Venting

Me and my boyfriend dated for almost 2 years. I know that he is my soulmate I’ve never experienced a love like this or a deeper connection. He cheated on me in November and immediately moved in with her and got her pregnant. When I tell you I care about this guy it’s not just me being a push over or not having self respect. I genuinely care about him like him family. So we reconnected in February after their very short relationship. We have been great friends ever since but it’s very clear that both of us wish things could continue as normal. But I know deep down it’s just not possible and I think that’s the hardest thing to accept…is that I don’t get to be with my soulmate. I just look at myself and think…this can’t be how my story is meant to go, being a stepmother to a child made from infidelity. I just couldn’t live a life like that. But sometimes I just get this feeling in the back of my mind like what if I make a mistake and I am suppose to be with him. This is the most confusing thing I’ve ever been through and and navigating it is so challenging. He says he knows that I don’t deserve to be living that life and that he wouldn’t be upset to see me find love again. I don’t think I will find love again, I bet it’s out there but I have no interest. But the thought of not having him in my life at all makes me sick to my stomach.