Struggling with difficult situation

So I'm age of majority, but due to a lot of lunacy in my late teenage years, I'm not very independent (still live with one parent and don't have a driver's license). I used to have a lot of shame and genuinely thought I was evil for even being alive, but recently I've been realizing how toxic my parents can be and that a lot of the things I thought were bad about myself were from what was probably autism that my parents either didn't notice, made fun of me for, or got angry about and tried to force me to be "normal."

So when I finally let myself have feelings for the first time, I started realizing all the gender issues I was having and... there was a lot of staying up late thinking about it, crying, and hopelessness. This is a terrible time for my trans egg to break. I don't have any autonomy in my life until I get my driver's license, but I don't have anyone to teach me to drive besides my stressful parent and the fastest driving lesson I can get is in a month.

This is the second large wave of dysphoria I've had, but this time the hopeless feelings and wishing I didn't exist are a lot worse. I was on the verge of contacting a transgender hotline two nights in a row, and I probably would have last night if it weren't 4am. Basically I've been distracting myself with YouTube and video games, but it's really just starting to feel like a coping mechanism. It was easier before my college classes ended because I had somewhere to go and friends I could spend time with and not think about this, but now I have none of that. I can't drive and don't have anywhere to go. I can't see a therapist even over the phone because my parent might hear.

The parent I live with is transphobic but really due to a lack and refusal to actually understand trans people ("they're just men in women's clothes who want to be women"). I've been working on explaining it to them a lot and I think I might be making some progress (they're okay with other trans people as long as I'm not), but I've realized a lot of their transphobia might stem from their own emotional issues, something I feel like is way too much for me to deal with. (They're also prone to rage fits that could basically take away all my credibility in their eyes due to any mistake I make that gets them angry.)

When I get these dysphoria waves, I feel like just coming out to my parent and trying desperately to get them to understand and beg to at least see a gender therapist. I know I'd probably just be met with angry dismissal and it might just drive me over the edge.

I'm not really sure what to do. I can't experiment very much with gender because my parent would see it, and everything I do just makes the body dysphoria worse. I know starting with HRT is a terrible idea and I should wait before I commit to it to make sure I really want it, but I've read the effects and realized how much I desperately want that to happen to me. And I'm at an age where I'll likely masculinize a lot more over the next few years, and the thought of that brings me to tears. (And I've spent nights staying up worrying about balding since my hair and face structure is basically the only gender euphoria I get about my body.)

I'm really not sure what to do. I need some kind of help but I can't access anything. I'm already on the verge of emotional collapse because of this, and I know transitioning takes time and I don't want to keep waiting and doing nothing.

Last time this happened though it got better after about a week and I stopped thinking about it for a while. But that time I was busy with classes and had distractions; now I have nothing.

And then there's the issue of my other parent who I don't live with because they were far more volatile and could even be dangerous. This parent pays for my college and I don't know how they would react to me transitioning. If I lost my college I would be losing any sort of fulfillment in my life and would probably just stop seeing the meaning in anything anymore. There's no way I could pay for it myself, I have a lot of scholarships for outstanding grades but even that won't cover tuition, and the only other person who would pay for it is a grandparent who listens to fox news propaganda daily.

I don't know what else to do besides slowly working towards getting my driver's license and distracting myself the best that I can. I know a lot of people would just say "you're not a minor, just move out!" but that's really not a safe feasible option. I guess I'm just really struggling to see the hope in anything at this point. The only thing giving me any solace right now is my Catholic faith (fyi I don't see any religious issues with transitioning), but I can't even go to in person mass because I don't have my driver's license.

I guess I have a few questions. What should I do? How can I start getting out of this situation fast enough so I don't lose it? What's the best transgender mental health hotline just in case? (My stupid country decided to get rid of the official trans hotline.) Any other suggestions for dealing with this? I know a lot of people, especially minors, go through hopeless situations with far more abuse and turmoil than this, so I'm sure there's some way I could deal with or at least cope with it.

Also, I'm definitely deleting this post and the others I've made because if my family members saw it they'd realize I made them. Also (no offense, you're all wonderful people) I feel a lot of shame and embarrassment about turning to internet strangers with personal problems; I just don't have any other resources.