Pata hai aaj kya hua, this should be "pata hai ak hafte pehle kya hua"

I had a fight with my sister, who basically almost broke my mother's two fingers, because my mother was asking her to stop sleeping all day and help her at home.

And then out of nowhere, my mother, my father says don't talk to your sister like that.

I'm like literally pointing at my mother's fingers, like what??

And this is not the first time either, she's cusses at my father, hits my mother.

And suddenly I'm the bad guy, I'm treated like I committed a crime. Like I'm crazy and what my sister did was normal.

My sister is 37, 37 years old, divorced with a kid because her husband lost money on betting apps, and they live with us for over 3 years, and thats completely fine. This violent "kaleshi"(that's light word for her violent behaviours) side is not after divorce, you know, you might think that she's under lot of stress, no she's been like that for as long as I can remember.

Now here's the main thing, now everyone in my family is one group, they're happy family, no more fights, no more cussing, they're laughing together. They look genuinely happy while I'm outcast in my own home and with my own family.

I'm the youngest, I have older brother and sister. Brother had bipolar disorder, it's been 6 years, he's doing good now, happy and I'm happy he's finally getting around living happily.

So I'm thinking now, I look back in time, this is a repeating occurance. It has happened many many times, I just let everything go, because family.

My father says he can't say anything to my sister because she was raised in front of his eyes. And makes me thinks how absent my father was with me that's why he doesn't care enough about me. I wasn't literally raised infront of his eyes.

I always thought he's busy providing for us and I absolutely respect that, but now I think he just didn't care much. I'm a back up plan. 

I always felt left out deep down but..fuge.

Oh btw I had to take my mother to hospital regarding her fingers because there's like two lumps near the finger joints and doctor said it's because of the injury and have to remove it with surgery.

I was also with my father when he had pancreas surgery, during the flare, I'm basically pooping blood and there's constant discomfort and burning sensation in my abdomen. For 5 days, I didn't tell anyone cz everyone was worried enough.

Flash back:

((I got diagnosed with ulcerative colitis, 2 years ago and in 3 months, 3 months my mother literally said you're ruining our lives because they have to cook saparate for me when flare is going on.

My father does that long loud sigh like I don't wanna deal with this.

Another main thing is, I've never seen them do that with my brother and sister.))

I can't figure out what I did wrong, that they act like this towards me.

But I got through it, I'm in remission, now I don't even tell my parents when symptoms flare up, I get medicines on my own. I don't tell anyone. I have no one to talk to.

I tried to talk to my fiance, it somehow turned into an argument.

I feel so freaking alone. And cringe for sharing this on reddit because just strangers, what's the point.

My mind is a cluster fug of things that I don't think I'll ever have mental peace.

Another flash back I almost forgot about:

((Oh yeah I was victim of attempt of kidnapping when I was 14, I don't remember my father during that time too, lol my mother said back than "I wish you didn't tell us that it even happened" Jesus what am I even still doing in this house. My heart still skip a beat when a car passes by me. At age 29. It feels normal now, I got used it. But it's always in the back of my mind. They never caught the culprits btw.))

Tho my chest does feel lighter as I'm writing this. Nobody's gonna read this long azz post, I wouldn't, but I also wouldn't write this if I didn't think anyone would read this.

Maybe this is a cry for help. Maybe I had to let it out. I might, might not reply to comments probably won't, but I appreciate every one of them, in my previous posts. This will be the last I think. Hopefully.

I feel alone even when you're with my family, Just saying out loud feels like teenage outburst, I'm freaking 29.