using scary massive amounts at rehab

last year i was court ordered to a year of rehab after i caught a fent charge. WORST time of my life like ever, I started abusing dph because it was all i could access. i used huge amounts multiple times everyday, near the end i was taking multiple grams a day. It wasn't even fun it was awful, i kept having panic attacks and i felt like i might die at any moment, idk how noone caught on to what i was doing i would stumble around like a 100 year old all day and say things that made no sense everyone just thought i was like that cause i was like that from day one .It was hell and it went on like that for 2 and a half months . I know I did massive damage to my brain and body . so glad thats over. i still take 200 mg every night to go to bed and i wish I didn't have to but holy shit how did that lifestyle not kill me .