LF Beta — Ilya Turning the Age Irina Was When She Died 🤕

Hello!! Looking for a beta reader for an Ilya fic.

I’ve never worked with a beta before, so I don’t totally know the etiquette/process, but I’m struggling with adding emotional weight to this fic in the way I want. Usually when rereading my own stuff I can feel the anxiety building or get emotional at certain scenes lol, and that just didn’t happen this time, so it feels a bit unsuccessful. As silly as that sounds 🤕😭

I would love if someone could let me know where they emotionally disconnect, whether the descent/escalation made sense to them, if the unreality landed or was just confusing, whether there’s enough tension carried throughout, or if there are places that might hit harder emotionally if pushed in a different direction, etc.

The draft is finished and currently around 40k. One-shot. Takes place almost three years into Shane & Ilya’s marriage. Basically about Ilya turning the same age as Irina when she died & all the complicated fears associated with that. Rated E bc some sex scenes and also just generally quite heavy in some parts.

Key features/themes:

- Irina haunting the narrative

- a man descending into madness

- touches of unreality

- Dante’s nine circles of hell as a structural/conceptual influence

- funerals

- Orthodox Christianity & the Soviet Union as recurring motifs

- self-fulfilling prophecies / determinism

Content-wise: depression is central to the fic. No suicide attempts or graphic self-harm, but there is recklessness/apathy toward harm and a very small hint of DV in Irina & Grigori’s relationship.

There are lots of Shane scenes, plus some Troy & Marlow content, and tiny amounts of Hayes & Sveta.

If you want to get a feel for my writing first, I’m Fangirl_Shrieks on AO3. The fic I’m proudest of is The Discipline Of It (Shane-centric ED fic). I tend to gravitate toward big arguments, messy/multifaceted characters, and complicated family dynamics. One of the things I enjoyed most writing in that Shane fic was the Yuna & Shane dynamic.

Tumblr is @parcai if you’d like to reach out! And ofc a dm here or whatever works too.