Triggering Meltdowns during learning new skills?

Hello!

Never been diagnosed, but leaning heavily towards having Autism.

I have been drawing since I was 14, I'm 32, and my skills have only moderately improved over that time.

I try and take advice from others- use different techniques, try and find a style that fits, buy expensive equipment that ends up just sitting there, picture what you want on page, using references, watching others.

I just can't, even now writing about it makes my throat feel tight as I fight back tears. All I've ever wanted was to be an artist, a cartoonist, but I just can't!

Is this what's holding me back? Can I not learn new skills? I've tried photoshop, gimp, and other drawing platforms and nothing makes me better. I get so mad I can't understand any of it! My paper drawings also suck.

Am I incapable or learning how to do this?? Why can't I learn how to do this? I just want to throw myself around and scream I don't understand why!