How to tell your parents that you are marrying a Muslim dom from Reddit?

I know, I know, we have to address the elephant in the room here. There is the stereotype that we are all aware of regarding Muslim Doms on Reddit. Moms and Dads all over Ontario dread ever getting the news that their little pumpkin was also caught up in the hype. Just last week, Pastor Jimmyjones' daughter was collared by Ali Hummus, the 5 year in a row champion of the local butterscotch hummus competition (psst, word on the street is the sly dog gets his butterscotch from aisle 3 at Food Basics. the audacity!!!).

I'm nothing if not a thotful partner, so I've generously donated my time to prepare for you a healthy script you can give your parents. Free of charge as well, there is no need for you to sign up to my course. There are only two steps to it:

Step 1) Lying, it's the best policy

Start talking about how you met your true love, Aieghdaghn (Aidan). He is a sex guru at a local Ashram who forces people to address him as Dr. Sensei. Mention how you've taken your prudently saved money and invested it all in his MLM ponzi scheme marketing Beanie baby NFTs to homeless orphans (sorry, "unhoused"). Also drop that you are already pregnant with twins and ask for champagne.

Step 2) Tell the truth

Now that they are righteously horrified primed, tell them that you are marrying a Muslim Dom you've met on Reddit. Hell, I'll even round up a couple of goats to give them to swim in the stereotype. Everyone likes cute, cuddly goats right? 

Don't you see the cleverness behind this tactic?! By lowering the bar on men a smidge (below hell as you girlies like to ALWAYS exaggerate) the whole Muslim dom thing now seems like a breath of fresh green flags (with goat farts abound too!).