I regret giving you a chance

I regret letting you convince me to give you a chance and date you.

We should've stayed friends instead.

I regret believing you when you said "I know what I'm getting myself into, and I know you're my dream partner". Because in the end, you didn't know what you were getting into despite the warnings and me revealing all my secrets and flaws from the very start. And you didn't see me as I truly was as your perfect dream partner, it's the vision of who I was when I was 16 and who you wanted me to become that you were in love with. Not the real me that was standing in front of you all those years.

After almost 4 years of trying and failing, I finally decided enough is enough. We had to stop torturing ourselves and trying to make something work that wasn't meant to be. I broke up with you. And you seemed to agree it was the right thing to do, and you said you wanted to stay friends and you begged me to let you keep my 🌶️pictures🌶️ on your computer when I gave it back to you.

But the day you came to get your things at my place, was the day I found out you were going around telling everyone I abused you...

Which confused me... Because I've put so much effort into being the best version of myself, did years of therapy, and doing my hardest to not act or be a person with trauma, ADHD, BPD, (possible but not diagnosed yet) autism, (C-)PTSD, etc. I tried all the meds, I even suggested couples counseling from the very beginning, but you didn't want it and you basically refused to put any effort into you yourself going to therapy even though you had your own personal struggles and demons.

And I could go and say all the things you did wrong to all my friends and family and everyone else that asks, but I don't want to fight fire with fire, even though you did horrible things in the relationship too.

Like the first time we saw each other IRL again after matching on that dating app. You got so excited you stuffed your hand down my pants without my consent. I pushed you away. And then during the whole relationship you'd get upset with me and get all mopey when I wasn't in the mood for intimate relations especially through the back door....

You never loved me for me. You loved the idea of me.