I need help. Or support. Or both.

My fiance (now ex-fiance) ended things last night. He initially did it over text while he's out of town for work for a month. When I called out his cowardice, he called and ended things again over the phone. We have been through ups and downs over the last five years. He has left me multiple times. We have been together (again) for the last fifteen months. He proposed last Fall. He has an avoidant attachment style.

When he came back in December of 2024, he'd finally been to therapy. It seemed like he'd done a lot of work. He wanted a future with me. He told me he'd never walk away again. We were looking at houses and planning our elopement. We were so happy, or so I thought. A few months ago, he started to regress. Arguments were met with low-blows (from him, not me), he started taking less and less accountability while I continued to communicate openly and with love and trust. The past month and a half has been hard. But not so hard that I had considered giving up. And now he has.

I feel like the biggest idiot for believing him again. That things were really different this time. That he had proposed, so this really was forever. I feel blindsided and crushed at how easily he walked away. I told him that this was it this time. There wouldn't be a next time. And he seemed so fine with it.

I know I need to let go. But I am afraid. The thought of spending the rest of my life without him horrifies me. I haven't tried to convince him to change his mind. I never have. I never will. I know people need to go their own way. But I am devastated. I truly believed he was my person. And now I just feel empty inside.

I know I will recover. And I will honor my grief. But I genuinely can't picture spending my life with anyone now. I am 34 years old, and I am already done.

I am currently oscillating between my emotions being overwhelming and feeling grief-stricken to then feeling nothing at all.