Parents of children with autism

I’m reaching out to see if there are any other moms or dads that could possibly be in this same situation. As you can see in the title my son is autistic. It has been very challenging to have a child with special needs but no matter what I made a promise to myself to be as proactive and interactive as I possibly could be when I have my first child. This mean working myself to exhaustion and still making time to come home and directly jump into high level parenting. Teaching him every thing he needs to know and being consistent. My son also has a speech delay which can make things more difficult. No day care because he cannot speak to let us know if anything were to happen ( a fear that many parents have). I have sat and worked with my son since he was a baby day after day teaching him academically, and independently. Working on speech, math, language arts and reading. Doctors, therapies, evaluations, homeschooling, you name it and I have done it. My son is older now and I still have to help him bath, toileting, dressing pretty much everything, which I’m okay with because I love my son. Even when working from home I still actively watched my son cooked and cleaned during work hours. His father has gone to work to provide for our family and has played a main role in providing transportation to and from appointments. I understand that men traditionally go to work come home play with the kid if they want and that’s it. No cooking, rarely cleaning, no cooking no doing anything that the child requires on a day to day basis. But the problem I’m having is the refusal to help whenever I ask for simple things. It’s always, “not right now”, “I don’t feel like it” or just straight out “no”. He doesn’t want to spend any father son time with our son. Never wants to go on field trips, (one he did come to he waited in the car the entire time). Barely wants to go to the park as a matter of fact has been maybe once in the last 2-3 years. Doesn’t want to go do any fun activities with him and most importantly never leaves the house with him by himself. I am not sure if he is embarrassed of our son, afraid of public speculation, in denial or what. Our son does not have any physical disabilities and is high functioning autistic so it’s not noticeable to the average passersbyer that he’s autistic to begin with. I struggle to get him to participate in anything that has to do with his son at all. And when he makes a promise to be more proactive with his son and spend more time with him or take him out to do things he never holds up his word. Does anyone else have these problems with their partner or the other parent? I just need to know I’m n out the only one. It’s very difficult being the only advocate for our son. Doing everything in my power to make sure he has as normal a life as possible and he can succeed independently. I struggle to understand why the father is not the same? It’s his son too, shouldn’t he care? Shouldn’t he want to do these things?