Im a F34 and my bf is M42, 4 year relationship, wants to move back to Poland is he emotionally abusive? And selfish for moving?

I met him when Id lost my job and moved to a new town and he was recently going through a break up from marriage. Relationship was amazing for 6 months he treated me well he struggled alot I offered him a lot of comfort. Then I saw his ex wife had been sending him pictures and texting him way more than he had let on. They have a child. It was child related but she would text nice pictures of herself and say show my son. We had a big argument and he lost trust in me because I looked through his phone he completely switched he was dismissive and rude. I found albums of pictures of them together which were still on his laptop. I deleted all the pictures of her. He also hated taking pictures with me but took them with his ex. He claimed he hates pictures. At his sons birthday party she dressed up boobs out lots of make up etc. He encouraged me not to go to the party and said id be uncomfortable. He also didnt want me at his sons communion because id cause trouble but said it was up to me if I wanted to go.

His ex interfered in our relationship constantly asking for favours, sending old family pics, calling him if she had problems or to cry too, asking for lifts, calling him for every favour and anything she could think of no matter how trivial to try and talk, trying to care for him, flirting on occassion. I always reacted explosively everytime He often took her side and would shout at me and defend her alot.

We moved in together after a year. Over the years this destroyed my relationship. He has called me childish, said he was happier in his other relationships, would say im full of hate, im like an alien and dont know how to socialise if I attacked her verbally he would resort to calling me names. His ex told people I was a maniac, a control freak, that i was changing him. And his side of the family looked at her as an angel and me as childish and crazy. 3 years in he told me he didnt love me, that im not the one, and when i call his ex a whore he thinks that about me, he said im like one big childish girl. He said hes wasting my time and he wants to retire in poland. He said we can live like mates but i dont feel that.

After that all intimacy faded, no kisses, no hugs, no dates. No gifts. He never tells me he loves me or anything nice really. Previously there was intimacy moments where he was kind, where he did laugh and joke with me and be kind and sweet, wed go on dates but all initiated by me. Anytime i asked him to set boundaries with his ex there was arguments and hed not talk to me for days. Hed frequently break up with me during arguments.

I cared and helped him alot over the years all the times he was in hospital, after his operation, tried to celebrate birthdays and occassions. Me and his ex had one convo where she was like are you worried im going to take him away? She called me paranoid and insecure when i mentioned her behaviour and that if she wanted him back shed have him back. Said she was always going to care about him. For bkground she kept texting him in the hospital giving advice and i told him to tell her to back off he text her saying you dont need to worry i have me looking after him to which she responded im always going to care about you no matter who youre with.

His ex has moved on now but the damage is done. He decided that he wants to move to Poland in 2 years and I dont have a good job and I could save for a house but would struggle once im in. I tried to suggest learning polish but he said i wont be happy there, he cant see me there. When i try to learn the language he gets annoyed. The relationship has taken its toll i feel like ive lost my spark, my sleep has been terrible over the years and I have noticed thinner hair alongside back pain and chest pain.

He says im over sensitive and no one can say anything to me. And that i take offense alot.