Should I [24F] leave my ex—abusive BF [24M]?

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for 4 years now. If you would’ve asked me in the beginning of the relationship how it’s going, I would’ve said everything is fine. But now I look back and I realise all of the red flags.

Ever since we’ve been together he’s always been a bit jealous and possessive, even in regard to my family (e.g. me going on a trip with my sister, saying “what will people think when you leave me to go on vacation”). He was cheated on before, so he believes all women are cheaters and they always show their true colours at some point.

One of his many problems was alcohol. He wouldn’t drink often but when he did, he would become angry if I said something to him. On one occasion he slapped be across the face for “not parking correctly” in our driveway. One time he smashed my Apple Watch because he thought I threw it towards him (which I did not, I just threw it on the couch because I was going to shower). After one night when some friends came over and he was so drunk he took a piss in the kitchen sink in front of them, he realised what kind behaviour he was showing and he stopped drinking and apologised to me. He has been sober for 3 months and he has stopped being violet towards me.

However, I still am not satisfied with our relationship. He always minimises my feelings, tells me I am crazy and that I always bother him when I just want him to prioritise me over other people. He always prioritises other people’s happiness (for example neighbours’) over my own happiness. We never go out because he always works, we don’t have friend anymore because he believes friends are useless and are only good when you want to drink.

I am starting to hate him and the way he acts. I have forgiven him many times for being aggressive, for being extremely narcissistic, for acting up whenever I saw friends, for hating my family. I feel that I have already wasted 4 years, the young life is gone and I will be miserable starting over. He also doesn’t want to get married which I would like in the future. But at the same time, we have been living together for 2 years now, our lives are interconnected and dependent on each other. It would be difficult to erase everything we have together from my life.