OR YOU COULD ACT LIKE AN ADULT.

Recently, The Grey Lady trumpeted a headline: “I’m Unhappily Single: Do I Have to Attend My Friend’s Wedding?” In this Age of Entitlement, a question such as this could hardly be a surprise. What followed, however, was appalling.

“Of course not. You should call up your friend and tell her that your unhappiness is more important to you than her happiness, and so she should politely excuse you from participating in her happiness because her happiness makes you sad, and that’s what friends are for.”

I kept reading only because I was waiting for the sarcasm to kick in.

It did not.

This was the “ethicist’s” actual advice.

Unless the groom was the victim’s ex, or the victim herself was expressing regrets from her bed in the Intensive Care Unit, there was only one appropriate response to this. Therefore, I am offering my own headline:

“My Friend Called Me to Tell Me That She Can’t Come to My Wedding Because She’s Single and My Wedding Hurts Her Feelings. How Should I Respond?”

Here’s the answer:

You should wait until she has told you her whole sad story about not being involved with anyone, let alone engaged, let alone married, and when she’s done, simply say..

“And now you know why.”

Then hang up.