[QCrit] MG Fantasy - MONTABELLE MANSION (50K/Second attempt)

First Attempt

Thank you for the feedback! I've tried taking your notes into account and fallen back on a second draft I had (improved by the feedback of course). I thankfully work at a library and have no shortage of MG books to read and compare.

Dear (editor’s name),

I hope you might consider my 50,000 word middle grade fantasy, MONTABELLE MANSION. Combining magic and mischief with the real life troubles of accepting oneself, fans of Unseen Magic by Emily Lloyd-Jones and The Memory Spinner by C.M Cornwell may enjoy my book.

Eleven-year-old Roz doesn’t need help. She can do things herself, like cooking and climbing ladders and decorating for Christmas. Soon, it’ll be on to driving and doing taxes! That way, Mom won’t be so tired after work. That way, she and Roz can spend time together, and there’s nothing Roz wants more than to go to their town’s New Year’s Eve festival. One problem: Horatio will be there. Goodie Two-Shoes Mom-Attention-Stealing Cousin Horatio. Mom makes Roz a promise: tolerate Horatio, and they will go to the festival. All’s well, until Roz watches in horror as a hideous beast smashes their windows and carries Mom away into the night.

No one believes her, of course. But that’s okay. Roz can find Mom on her own, and she even has a clue to where she was taken: Montabelle Mansion, the enormous, maze-like home of a mysterious family who vanished ten years ago. But it’s deep in the woods, and a blizzard is coming. Not to mention Goodie Two-Shoes Mom-Stealing Cousin Horatio, who decides to tag along. The mansion is full of family secrets, cursed occupants who never left, and Roz may find herself in over her head with the dangerous witch behind it all.