Nfather showed up at my work

TW: emotional abuse, stalking, gaslighting

Hi everyone! First time posting - I am very open to discussion so please ask any clarifying questions and offer advice, thank you for being here and thank goodness for this sub. I will keep it recent as the “lore” surrounding my relationship with my Ndad is long and complex. Also, I am adding TW’s generously just in case.

In January, I decided after Ndad had a mega tantrum and sent some very mean-spirited messages to myself (26f) and my siblings, (21 nb and 15m) that I was going VLC. I essentially ghosted him - thankfully, he lives in another city about 40 mins away and does not have a vehicle, and travelled for work - I barely saw him before this as he likes to monologue and talk about very intense, heavy things involving his finances and his mental health, so I often kept visits to a minimum. After his tantrum he decided to take a leave from work, so he hasn’t been travelling since February.

After mulling over my thoughts and feelings, I thought it appropriate to draft a text message to him detailing why I chose to stop contact. He kept asking me to just tell him why and he would leave me alone. I should’ve known better… but I explained that, after many incidents of him losing control of his temper, oversharing, and putting zero effort into showing interest in my life or me at all, I was going VLC/NC. I specified we can remain on each others socials (instagram and facebook) as I don’t often post and thought I would give him the benefit of at least knowing I’m alive and well. It’s worth noting I didn’t explicitly say I didn’t want to see him again, but I feel like it was implied. He is very talented at manipulating and making people feel bad for him; because I miss the attention of a father figure, I struggle to cut him off completely.

He thanked me for telling him what was on my mind, then explained that he is now sober from cannabis and that was affecting his personality, and he hopes we can have a relationship someday in the future. No apology, of course. I left it at that - he continued sending check in texts, updates about his life, pictures of his dinner, wished me a happy birthday, asked if I wanted to grab coffee; I have him muted and silenced, so I only see the messages if I actively look for them. I never responded to any of his messages. All was fine enough - I was able to live with this situation as long as it remained the way it was!

Yesterday, I got a message from my brother around 8pm that Nfather had impulse bought a muscle car! It is worth mentioning he has done this before and ruined his finances; his credit cards are always maxed, he has had a vehicle repossessed, and is very impulsive with his spending, often leading to ruin. Within an hour of finding out about the car, dad and little brother are on their way to my town! I panicked, realizing he may show up at my home. Thankfully my little bro helped out and told him I wasn’t feeling well so I couldn’t visit, and that worked, until this morning. I work in a small food business, so there is no way for me to see someone coming, or escape easily if I’m busy. I was bustling around when I hear the door chime and there he is! Before I have a chance to think, he’s telling me he has something to show me. At this point my heart is racing, and because I’m surrounded by customers and my coworkers I didn’t want to cause a scene and tell him to leave or run away. Thankfully, the interaction was short and ultimately uneventful… I pretended to be excited for him about the car, said I had to get back to work. I’m just shaken up, and now realize that he is bold enough to just appear at my workplace. He also knows where I live, so now I’m concerned he will show up at my home.

At this point, I realize I now need to be very clear with going no contact and will likely have to remove him from everything. I would, however, like to tell him NOT to come to my house or place of work, or I will escalate to protect my boundaries. I guess I’m seeking advice about how to handle this situation. I want to be completely clear so that, in the future, I can appropriately protect myself. Thank you so much for reading, and apologies if the formatting is whack as I’m on mobile.