I’m unfortunately starting to lose my love for god

Asalamalikum, l am born and raised in Sydney. All my life I’ve had big dreams and wanted the best for my family which consists of my mum my brother and I, parents got divorced but still I see my father as he’s not a dead beat. When I was 8 my father left the house and they had separated. It didn’t take long for my blood cousins to make my fun of my parents for separating. Bear I mind they are making fun of their auntie and cousin (being me). For our whole lives we have been living in rentals while my whole family live in giant houses and own properties and/or businesses through previous riba. And now my “friends”. One of my mates brothers has made fun of my mother calling her very sexually open (word starts with P) which I tend to deal with once my wrists heal and the other is a rich kid who constantly argues money doesn’t buy happiness. I asked him once if he’s grateful for his parents buying his first car priced at $13000AUD and he said no as he did the”research” for it. I got really offended at the “money doesn’t buy happiness” take because my mum has been admitted to the hospital due to stress primarily for work and that kind woman is slowly starting to fade away. Ik people say allah tests his best believers but I don’t even pray nor do I read the Quran, sure I could disprove other books to lead them to Islam but the sad truth is the only reason that brings me joy is because I want them to feel so upset that they have been deceived their whole dumb life. When I told my cousin I wanted to start a peptide business he was onboard with providing me with a supplier until last second lecturing me about not making money that way bare in mind he has a cinema room with star lights in his house. Yes I do believe that allah swt exists and yes I believe in everything I currently know about Islam but ik the way I am that I’m not going to go heaven so why does he make my family and I struggle while these so called “friends” and “relatives” thrive. It feels so unfair that uncles were blind and did riba and now because they went hajj and repented they are just filthy rich and Muslim i almost envy them. I know im probably diving in other peoples business too much even my own mum says it, I don’t mean to wish the worst for my cousins as I’m really close with them it’s just why couldn’t we have a life like theirs. I wanted to do IT then decided to do barbering but after doing an apprenticeship with two places that treated me horribly, I lost my passion for bothering and decided to do an apprenticeship in heavy diesel mechanic. My uncle was going to set this up. the manager said no as my uncle’s son my cousin left, leaving a very bad reputation which meant I couldn’t work at that establishment that I’ve been waiting for for half a year and that’s so so-called fair. I’ll admit my faults in points

-I’m lazy
- I’m foul mouthed

Even though I’m so naturally lazy I’ve pushed and pushed to get what I want. Equality. But life isn’t fair. The thing is our parents say but the prophets struggled so much. I fell for them they are our role models but I’m not a prophet who’s destined to go to heaven. Honestly I’ve dumped a lot and I don’t expect you to read it all as I only did this cause i couldn’t sleep. Wish you all the best. Note be as brutal as you want don’t need to sugarcoat.