Husband works away for months on end. Feeling like the only parent, guilty and resentful.

My husband works out of state for months on end. Since our now 21 month old was born, He’s been home less than he’s been away. When he is home, he is the greatest dad, he takes on everything. But that doesn’t feel like much when he’s NEVER home. I work 30hrs a week in a high stress veterinary job, and take care of our home, and most importantly, our child. I do everything, the research, the big decisions, etc. I’m a mother who is breaking a cycle on top of that. I have no family around me, just his parents, and barely any friends since we moved. My husband is working so hard for us to be financially comfortable, but at what cost?

GUILT: my health has plummeted so much, that I lost 50 pounds in 4 months. I’m burned out. I want to disappear. I feel lonely, depleted. I love our child more than anything else in this world but I am struggling to want to be present at all. I don’t text back anyone, and I have no energy to text or call my husband. That’s where I feel guilty. I feel like a bad mom and a bad wife.

RESENTMENT: My husband usually works 6-7 days a week when out of state (blue collar), but this job he’s working 5 and has weekends off. I can’t help but feel so angry and resentful when he’s hanging out with his coworkers, grabbing dinner, drinking during the day, when I’m sitting here at home with the weight of everything alone. I don’t have anyone but my mil to watch my child and I can’t ask more of her than I already do. I will NEVER compare my struggles with that of a single mom, as it’s not comparable at all, but I feel like I’m a solo parent. Part of me feels like, what would the difference be if I was alone and we shared custody? I love my husband, but I didn’t sign up for this.