Weekends are brutal.

Weekdays I work full time, so my job keeps my mind occupied for most of the day. And the external pressure of rent/bills forces me to continue working even when I don't want to.

When the work day ends and my time is my own for the rest of the day, my mental state gradually deteriorates into anger, rage, resentment. With nothing forcing me to focus on something, I typically end up ruminating on the fact that I've missed out on sex for my entire life. But I have to go to bed before it gets too bad, since I have to wake up for work the next day.

However, at the weekends, my time is my own entirely. And they feel like a fucking gauntlet. Two and a half days of nothing but thinking about everything I've missed out on. By the end I am usually engaging in psychotic fantasies to cope with the injustice of my life. I go to bed Sunday night with my heart pounding and adrenaline racing through my body. My arms feel light and fuzzy, I feel my pulse in my neck, the back of my head feels like it's burning up. I don't know how I make it through without having a complete mental breakdown.