Having intense feelings about piercing the girls

Hello pierced people of Reddit,

I am here looking for advice

Yesterday, my friend and I got our nips pierced and we both have been wanting it for a really long time. It was my last day in NYC and I truly had the best time. We ran through Washington Square Park and did a fireball shot of confidence. The piercing did not hurt and afterwards we felt like we could conquer the world. I was on the L train crying and laughing thinking about how grateful I am for everything: friends, to finally be liberated with my body and this all-new transition into finally feeling like a Real Adult (even though i’ve been one for a while). It was truly my coming-of age moment that I will never forget.

That being said, I woke up this morning with intense feelings of guilt. Guilt one would have if they’d run someone over with their car and the body is still in the trunk. My mother, who is my life and has given me everything, is quite the overbearing woman. Looks to her are of utmost priority and me deviating from what is “attractive” (or even at the thought of doing something) makes her extremely upset. I have never deviated from my mothers strict standards of beauty until today. This was a thought I was aware of when I got the piercing, and a risk I took. I naturally assumed I would be okay with hiding it. However, I was unprepared for this morning’s crushing feeling of guilt. Lying or keeping secrets is extremely reprimanded in my family. Even choosing not to say something makes her upset. Again, I was aware of this, and assumed “what she doesn’t know, won’t hurt her” would be the easiest way out of the situation but frankly, what she doesn’t know is hurting me!

I told my younger sister about it and even she says she feels extremely guilty hiding it. I have so many emotions right now. I feel extremely selfish, I did not need this piercing and I just risked my relationship with my unstable mother over something as trivial as a barbell in my boob. I feel as if I ate the forbidden fruit. I was never supposed to know how awesome i’d look with these piercings and now I am preparing for the ultimate sentence. However, I have no regrets with getting the piercing. It was the most fulfilling 100 dollars i’ve ever spent. I will always chase that high of finally being free and myself with my one of my dearest friends.

I am unsure if I should take it out and feel sad or keep it in and feel sad. I’m giving it a month to see if I actually love it or if its not working. In the meantime, how do I navigate these horrible feelings of guilt? I have always been such a good kid and I’m really discouraged that such a liberating piercing is making me feel so shackled.

Thank you for reading.
I hope everyone’s piercings are healing nicely.