Why is she telling me this stuff

She broke up with me 3 months ago, didnt really want to but felt like she had to because I wasn’t doing enough to commit to her. We were together for almost 2 years. My reason for not being able to commit more were logistical reasons, semi distance and work stuff.

She said she wanted to be my friend still. I told her I can’t do that. She told me 2 weeks after that she met someone “unexpectedly”.

I didn’t really reach out to her much after. But like every other week or so she finds some reason to reach out to me.

The other day, she tells me that she’s selling her house and moving to the country. Something I always told her I wanted to do. And then she sends me a link to the place she’s buying. It’s much closer to where I live and work. This place could have solved so much of the problems we had. She has to know that I would be thinking that. Then she tells me about how hard and stressful it has been. And that she’s been doing everything on her own with no help. She vents to me, emotionally dumps on me, and I started to fall back into relationship mode. I started feeling like she was circling back towards me. The next day, she is venting and leaning on me some more, and when we were together, I would be the person that helped her do these things. I offer to help her. That’s when she tells me she’s “kinda dating somebody. It’s very not serious rocky right now” and then tells me she just wants to move out to the country and never date again. Says she still wants to be my friend and that she’s thankful for me.

Thankful for what? I told her I can’t do the friends thing. She knows I regret letting the relationship slip away. So why did she have to come back and tell me all these things that I had always hoped our future could be? Why would you tell your ex where you’re moving too? Why tell me she’s doing all this in her own? Where’s her new boyfriend in all this? She has to have known how that was going to make me feel.

I was starting to finally feel a sense of detachment. I was starting to feel like I’d be okay if she never came back to me. I was still sad, but I was starting to get out of the brutal depression I was in shortly after the break up. And then suddenly I get a glimmer of hope, some signals that she misses me, that maybe she’s single and would like to try this again. And then the reality hits. And I feel like I’m back at square one and grieving her all over again.

I don’t think she consciously did this to hurt my feelings and make me sad. But I don’t understand how she could think it possibly wouldn’t. I still just want her back. I still love her. And this hurts.