I’m so bitter and it’s eating me alive

I was born and raised in nyc and lived there until about 7 years ago when my parents died. At the time, we had a rent stabilized apartment but when they passed, my landlord told me they were raising the rent from the 800 to 3500. I had no clue at the time that it wasn’t legal and I had no help from anybody to navigate that situation. I was young, with no job and no one else to stay with.

I’ve been trying to move back for years but trying to find a job before getting there seems impossible and vice versa. So I’ve been living in a small town a few hours away, literally feeling like I’m rotting bc I’m so far away from my home.

It’s caused me to be so BITTER towards people who move to nyc. I block, block, block every single person I see on social media posting “come with me to move to nyc” or “I just moved to nyc and found the BEST rent stabilized apt!!” I know it’s not technically their fault but I hate them. It feels like they’ve taken what I should’ve had. It feels like an impossible hurdle for me to get back there. I have no clue how everyone is finding a job so easy or finding a place with only a couple weeks of searching. I can’t actually be happy for any of them. It’s gone so far that I’ve deleted my instagram, twitter, tiktok bc I hate it all.