Lost friends

It,, all started in one server where I really got into Discord, joining VCs, messaging people and becoming active. I made friends there, and we had our own inner circle and a lot of fun together. But over time, I started having issues with the staff and some members. I felt like the staff were biased against me, and after I had an argument with someone, I got timed out for something that I don’t think deserved a timeout at all.

After that, I left the server and continued working on a server project I had put aside since joining theirs. My server was in the same niche as the one I left, so naturally I invited my friends, and they invited their friends. We reached around 80 members pretty quickly.

Then the first close friends of mine started leaving because the staff in the other server were actively saying that my server only existed to destroy theirs and that we were some kind of movement that needed to be stopped. Three friends left, and I was left with only two. That really hurt because my motivation for managing the server was mainly my friends.

Fast forward to around 235 members: another very close friend left, ghosted everyone, and left the other servers he was in too. That made me seriously consider selling the server because I had already received some offers, but in the end I didn’t.

Then at around 275 members, the server became really active. Outside of my friend group, there were always around 20–25 people active across multiple voice chats every day. But today, my last real close friend left too. He didn’t give any reason and just left me on read. Considering that I distanced myself from some of my IRL friends and spent less time on my hobbies because I was so active in my server, it genuinely felt like being stabbed emotionally.

Now I can’t stop overthinking everything. I keep wondering if I was too arrogant, too clingy, not clingy enough, or if I did something else wrong that made them leave. I still have members I can talk to, but it’s not the same. Right now I just feel really lost and numb.