Ugly vs. Weird looking

I’ve been told almost my whole life that I’m ugly (people stare, they’ll get up and leave if I sit next to them on a bench and the whole gameI). I’ve accepted it and it doesn’t bother me anymore.

But, sometimes men flirt with me. It’s mostly on the bus, 2-3 times per year someone will look at me, and smile, but not with a “hey, circus freak”-smile but a gentle and warm smile. We look into each other’s eyes and for a moment it feels like the sun is shining within me.

Once every other or third year a man will actually make an attempt to talk to me. However this freaks me out, I always feel like there’s someone filming the situation and that the next day I’ll be a reel on insta or tt. So I tense up and become snappish (with age, I’m 41, I’ve become softer). Always fail.

Tonight there was a temp at work. An Egyptian guy. When I introduced myself he said “a beautiful name for a beautiful lady”, and he has talked to me like about private stuff and sorta been feeling me out, trying to get close. He’s attractive. I’m 5’8”, he’s like an inch shorter, but very attractive.

I don’t know what to do or to behave. I don’t think he’s making fun of me, he seems very genuine. But I cannot stop thinking that there is a motive behind his closing in. Like he’s just horny, needs a human flesh light.

Maybe I’m not ugly and just really weird looking? Or is it the same?

And also, could you ever trust another human (that seems attracted to you) enough to let your guard down?