I CAN'T ORGASM WITH A GUY

Okey so long story short, I can orgasm on my own but everytime I do smth with a guy, I just can't feel anything unless they are rough enough for me to feel pain. I just feel so zoned out and disassociated. The thought of them usually helps me orgasm alone but when they are actually with me, I just go numb. I have to actively remind myself that I'm supposed to stay in this moment and I'm supposed to feel what they are doing. I don't really know what's wrong with me but I'm pretty sure this has smth to do with psychological stuff or trauma. Is there any way I can experience that normal butterflies or waves ppl feel with their partners?