I’m going to kill myself one day

Probably when my parents die. I don’t really want to, but the suffering is not worth it. I can’t live on my own and there won’t be anyone to take care of me. I don’t want to starve to death, and I don’t want to suffer unable to have any sort of connection with those around me forever. I don’t want to suffer with anhedonia forever. I’m not in crisis right now, but I don’t really know where to go with this. People just lie and tell you things will be okay, that life is worth living, but for some of us it is absolutely not. Just let me die in peace when it’s my time. Fuck therapists. Fuck psychiatrists. I’ve been through a few and they don’t really help.