Daily Lorazepam for 3 1/2 years, and heavy drinking. About to start taper with klonopin

Hello, I’m a 29 yr old have been on .5 lorazepam for 3 1/2 years now along with Zoloft have been a heavy drinker and alcoholic with that as well. I’m 2 months sober of alcohol now.

After trying lexapro a few months back, gave me suicidal thoughts after a panic attack , my Zoloft gave me suicidal thoughts after I had a panic attack from hangover also. (I’m very prone to hangover panic attacks over the years)

I initially was constantly in a haze of dissociation and like I wasn’t able to be present - ultimate brain fog and detachment from reality , it was scary. But it passed now that I’m only on lamictal and my daily .5 lorazepam.

I’m wondering if my mood and suicidal thoughts came from lorazepam use stopping drinking and the drug switch. My doc thinks I have bipolar now that I show the signs for it. My doc got me on lamictal now to help with mood and stabilize the severe suicidal depression that had come in a wave during the day.

Any advice or hope for me? Positivity please :)