He gaslighted me today and it led to an argument during which he gaslighted me again

I’ve noticed that he’s done this more so during times we are having issues, which he of course blames on me. He will say something or won’t say something, and then insist he did or didn’t say it. In the past, he’d just get angry with me, and I accused him of gaslighting me because he was. He eventually tried to suggest i was gaslighting him, starting a massive argument with me, after I forgot something i said. Now he’s back at it. Last night, I got a bit upset with him, and he told me his mother was listening. He has used his mother against me since almost day one, involving her in arguments, making me look bad. He used to always tell me, because we live with her, that she was outside the door listening.

He later told me that wasn’t true, after I already believed it to be, and am still convinced she does it since she has involved herself as much as he’s involved her. Well, I confronted him after he said that, and he denied it. He accused me of gaslighting him. He later said maybe he did say it, but he didn’t remember doing so. Now today, we argued over something he did that bothered me this morning, something he’s done repeatedly over the years. He, as usual, said I was overreacting. He apologised after, as he does, but it doesn’t stop him from doing it again. We were intimate and he was nice to me for a while. Then, we left for the store, and he gaslighted me on the way there.

He mumbled under his breath “That’s annoying” as I was going over the ingredients we needed for dinner. I confronted him, he denied it, and said I was gaslighting him. He claimed he was singing lyrics to a song that wouldn’t be confused for what I heard. When I later tried to say we can have our own perception as to what was said, he said only his reality was right, and I was delusional. He suggested, as he has before, that I am schizophrenic. When I don’t experience this with anyone else, and don’t have hallucinations. We continued to argue, and it switched to comments his grandmother made about me getting help for issues I have, and getting a job.

He said she previously said he must be very stressed, having to help support me with my problems. Of course, she has no idea what he’s doing, and how he’s treated me. He’s told me before that she, and his other grandmother who I don’t know, has mentioned me getting a job. Mind you, he doesn’t have a job, and is working towards becoming a counsellor. For years, however, he wasn’t doing anything. I told him years after, early on, that I didn’t think I’d be able to work or drive with my anxiety. He said that was fine. Since then he’s tried to teach me how to drive, and has complained about me not driving, whilst telling me I don’t have to.

He has put me down over not having a job and has told me to get one during arguments. He seems to resent having to support me at all, but especially financially, and has mentioned it more this past year since he’s been doing that. He has said that in this economy both people need to work. I’ve discussed doing things within my comfort zone, like pet sitting, or selling things. He said that would be okay but I don’t think that’s what he means when he tells me to get a job, and I assume his grandmother also means something different. I, of course, don’t know if she even said that or what he told her to prompt her to say the things she’s been saying all this time.

He could be badmouthing me. He could also be lying about her saying these things. Anyways, he said he can’t control what she says, and that he knows she doesn’t know everything. At the same time, when I said I didn’t think I’d be able to work, he said that’s not something people say, and that people with mental illness work and very few don’t. He then said I need to take responsibility for my issues. At the same time, he said he doesn’t need me to work, and doesn’t care if I don’t. He was pressuring me to get out of the car to go into a shop, and muttered under his breath “Get a job” and then claimed he said to get out.

He has only now, this year, started his counselling course and is set to see a client soon. He is on benefits still. His family also helps him. I feel like because he’s made progress, he looks down on me, and gives me a hard time for being stuck. If he wasn’t okay with me not driving, not working, why get into a relationship with me? Why stay with me? Why not say it’s a dealbreaker and leave me instead of staying with me and seemingly expecting me to change, or else giving me hell if I don’t. How can he say he is okay with everything and then complain about it, use it against me, and tell me his family makes comments.