Really desperate

I haven't been able to sub for years. I've always been in relationships with people I really wanna be with but they want a Dom and I don't like being it.

I can be it really good and I can act like my intentions are dominant but I'm not happy with my sex or romantic life.

I just want to be like a precious little guy for some fine gal who's willing to treat me like I'm a fragile vase

Except I live in rural town Texas and nobody here is like that.

I feel guilty and I want out and I want shelter and idk what to do