26F Moved back in with my parents and trying not to get depressed again

I'm exhausted. She drains the fun from the room with a smile on her face. She panics when I work out at home or go for walks because I'm epileptic (But my seizures are triggered by stress, and some of the worst ones triggered by her)

She won't give me my medication - ive only had one suicide attempt nearly a decade ago and have never tried or felt that way again. I've been taking my meds fine for years, now she's taken that over.

I'm vaping & smoking lots again as she encourages it, and acts personally attacked when someone tries to quit.

She smoked the rest of my pack when i was in the hospital, pretended she didn't, then gave me one today saying it's to "pay me back... if i wanna have a smoke with her"

She somehow keeps getting consent from doctors to speak on my behalf and get confidential information. Multiple times I've just submitted. I finally have a case worker though. The case worker knows this dynamic and has said her job is to help ME, not my mom.

She says nothing or brings up herself when i try to talk about my accomplishments. The only thing she ever gets happy about is my art. My health isn't in my own hands, if it is and it's good then she stares blankly or argues or gets panicked. My stepdad is giving me advice about my workouts and encouraging jokes like a Dad should.

For a long time I thought I abuse her because she's the one who ends up crying, denying, blaming, arguing, shouting, etc

She says she triggers me and "we need to figure out why" but freaks out when it's time to make changes or take blame.

She "triggers" everyone. Her friends are drinking friends. My stepdad has only dated physically abusive women so he's only recently recognized how she's emotionally abusive. My brother doesn't leave his room. Brothers gf has never seen her without the mask, so she just loves her like a second mom.

On the way home from the psych ward, after multiple stories about my being helped by some self-admitted rehab patients, she started mocking people she saw on the street as useless addicts.

Flipped it on me when I gently reminded her, and as usual, because there's never a conversation to be had, I just zoned out waiting for her to be done.

I noticed my stepdad does this too. He also pretends to not hear her, or he'll completely change the topic mid conversation. These definitely help me cope, but they still make her mope.

The other day she admitted to "not being a conversationalist" which is the closest she's ever come to admitting she shuts everything people say down unless it's a mirror of her perspective, yet demands total listening and respect of her own words.

Even to her therapist, she lies and masks. Its like a place to practice her blame. She's Even picked up some therapy tricks to twist into more frustrating conversations to navigate.

She says "we" when she means herself, or "I statements", to blame others or deflect blame from herself

i can just keep going here because ive never truly sat down and written it all out. i get exhausted just thinking about her. When talking about her to strangers i pretend she is her mask and compliment her profusely, until it cracks and i crack and things start falling out of my mouth.

maybe I'll rant more specifically later as i already feel a little better.