Sitting alone update

Idk if anyone got a chance to see my post earlier regarding my father in law before I got anxious and deleted it (ive pasted it below this update) but since then I've been cursed out by my husband.

He says I cant take our kid to the movies to watch a movie he's waited a long time for because it'll be in one of those 4dx formats and it may make his cousins feel insecure. I canceled today bc they made family plans to go to some indoor park. I did everything they asked only i stayed behind as to not cause any issues.

I feel as if my husband has the same sentiments as my father in law when it comes to accusing me of things and over protecting the grandchildren.

We had planned to see this movie for months. The weekend it came out, my in laws grandchildren visited no one told me a thing. They told my husband and he forgot to tell me so ever since then I've been scrambling to rearrange my plans around that. But I stood firm on seeing it becuse I promised myself i wouldn't allow them to bully me like this anymore.

He accused me of planning things on purpose which I didnt. Idk my minds in a dark place. Life feels very weird right now and hes refusing to see the movie with him if we travel a town over (a nicer town both our child and i love to watch movies in as its the only regal) to go see it.

He leaves me sometimes for hours when he's mad so I'm alone regardless right now. He left to go be at their family gathering. Argued with me then without ending the conversation just...left. When he does this, it takes me back to when I was abandoned repeatedly as a child and it hurts so bad. He wont even respond to me. Its just silent but its love and laughs for everyone else. Like I cant even get my mind out of how dark this feels. I try not to cry like that child in me who was left alone. And I hate myself for it.

Pasted below, is my self deleted post from earlier:

Hey so I just want to speak. I'm currently sitting alone trying to protect my peace as my in laws grand children visit. Last year it seemed as if I was accused (ever so subtly) of attention seeking and jealously(?) of their teen grandchild by my fil.

So every few months my MIL and FIL grandchildren visit. Normally, I don't say much and stay out of the way. It's something I picked up as my MIL (she's great to me now) has a bit of an issue when other women are bonding with the grandchildren. She clearly wants them to love her and see her as that figure and I get it. Again she's great to me but we are all flawed so I took a step back.

I'm an introvert so I don't say much anyways. Keep to myself. On one occasion, my husband had went to sit and talk with one of the quieter of the grandchildren (teen girl). The grandchildren have gone through a lot with their parents breaking up and it affects them in ways you can see if you're paying attention.

Anyway, my husband went to talk to her. after a long while of being careful to approach…I went over to talk as well then i was going to head out again. They brought up a hobby the teen girl was doing and I was happy for her. I brought up how my child, their cousin, is in a similar hobby. It was a quick brief statement but my father in law had walked over by then and kind of waves his hand at me to shush. Like he made a face too. It was like a “yeah yeah” thing. I was so confused. Then he went and was like “so!” All enthusiastically and kept talking to the teen. He focused the conversation back onto her hobby and her like I was trying to hijack it. He starts going into depth about how my son's is a hobby (for now) but hers, well, she's in an actual club and the instrument is more renowned like i dont already know that.

This hurt a bit because I would never want to be like that. I have my own reasons too. Furthermore, I had taken a step back already. I had gotten the hints. I just wanted to have a quick convo. Their family is big on girls. My FIL loves them. So when my husband is talking to one of the teen girls I'm assuming my FIL thinks I'm jealous bc we dont have a girl? We only have a boy.

But get this. I was the reason my husband even bothered to approach her. I encouraged him to. Infact, he has such a good relationship with them because I encourage it since his brother (the kids father) was a piece of crap to them.

Im not looking for (ive never sought it) im just saying, for that to be my truth only to be reduced to an attention seeker is a hit to the gut and I didn't want to defend myself in front of the kids because its me against well everyone and I didn't want it to turn into anything traumatic for them.

Another instance, my mother in law and I were talking about my kids achievements. Then she brings up the same grandchild (the teen girl) who had the same achievement as my kid. Then she brought up the teens GPA. I thought it was great! Yet when I tried to focus the convo back on my kid by acknowledging the similarities my father in law does a thing with his eyebrows and adjusts in his seat. He makes a little noise too. But… the convo was about my kid first. So why was that an issue?

There was another instance that involved the grand kids,but I just cant recall it. But I will say this, there was this other instance where my father in law had gotten back from a trip to Mexico and he spent four hours talking. I was enthusiastically engaged. Genuinely. All was good but by the fourth hour I made a mistake. I guess he mentioned a concert he went to there and I mentioned one I was going to next month with his wife. Something she hadn't told him for two months. I figured it had been two months so she would've told him. But he was so bothered bc it would be in Vegas and he didn't want to travel to Vegas after going to Mexico. He didnt even have to go i was just so nervous about how stiff he got that I said he could go just to break the ice but it didnt. He got so uptight not saying but but made sure I felt I ruined his shine. My husband basically said, that I probably ruined his shine.

Anyway, they coddle these kids a lot. Something I never had despite my childhood being just as bad if not worse. I know what those kids went through bc we all lived together at one point while it was going down. This is why I always encouraged my husband to do the right thing with them. Our child doesn't get the same special treatment because he hasn't gone through what they have im assuming. We always take the backseat to be polite.

Everyone else got 20 to 50 dollars on Christmas? Our child gets whatever is left over. And I'm like okay, well he's an only child unlike them. He does get a lot anyway and we should just be grateful. Oh our child didn't get invited? Oh… well that's because this trip is focused his cousins and they live like 45 min away. So I guess. I'm not hurt about those things anymore idk it just doesn't bother me as much. I get it. Hes an only child who lives close to the inlaws and doesn't have as much trauma.

But there are times I express these grievances to my husband. Very politely. But overall its just not worth the mental stress as I've been healing from other things.

We would even refrain from going extra places (we live near in laws) and purchasing our child extra things during family visits because my husband didn't want his nieces and nephews to feel insecure.

Because of my past childhood trauma I have been in regular therapy and I would never try to be jealous of my husband or try to attention seek. And since my father in law does these things so subtly and sometimes obviously but not ‘argument-warranted’ I'll look like a crazy person to confront it just any old way.

I guess my issue is, despite us getting along 99 percent of the time, in his head, he paints me a certain way sometimes.

I was even planning on pitching in for the teens quinceanera but I don't think so anymore. Besides, their mother is a hot head and everything sets her off when it comes to how people help her children and how she appears as of needing help.

I spoke to my therapist and i took some of the advice but not all. I cant keep going on this way idc if i lose myself. Maybe I need to lose myself. I think I should take a full back seat and focus on me and my family.

So, since they are visiting again and the family went out I decided to stay behind. I am here alone right now. But this family visit I've been doing what's right for my child. Not exactly what's fair. Best advice was thats not my responsibility. Kinda weird though bc when I decided to take this “backseat” my husband noticed and is wondering that the heck is wrong with me.