Anyone else having an especially hard time with stimulants due to an eating disorder?

TW/ ED talk, body image talk

It's insidious how skinny they make you and how quick it happens. The figure i used to be able to achieve through week - month long episodes of basically not eating is the same weight loss as a good 3 day bender.

I haven't enjoyed a meth/ coke/ whatever high in so long. I always end it worse than when I started and I'd say about 70% of the time I feel like shit.

But the sheer amount of weight I can drop in the matter of days keeps drawing me back in.

Force myself to eat throughout the week so I can actually work my job (labour intensive), get a head start on like Friday morning, be skinny enough to pull off fishnets or a crop top by Saturday night, do the drugs I actually enjoy after.

Is this actually happening? Is it just a delusion in my head this class of drug creates?

It feels like I only ever like what I see in the mirror if I've been properly tweaking before. I haven't seen much discussion on this. Anyone care to share their experience?