One More Bite

It all started with a bite.

 I just wanted one, small bite. 

I was so hungry, I hadn’t eaten in days in preparation for my wedding day. I had to look my best on a day that would undoubtedly be my worst. However, circumstances could be more grim I suppose, I could be forced to marry a greasy saggy old man with touchy hands like my cousin, or I could have married a handsome drunk who ran away the first chance he got like my mother. Instead, I’m forced to marry the whiny son of the village's mayor. Exceedingly wealthy and exceedingly bratty. My mother just happened to be desperate enough to agree to the arrangement. But I had been preparing for this day my whole life, from the moment I entered this world I had been groomed to be the perfect wife and I did it all with ease and no complaints, on the outside at least. Must keep up appearances of course. 

But I endured it all because I wanted nothing more than an easy life, one worlds away from mine, one of handmaids and servants and fine silver and where I didn't have to lift a finger or work another day in my life and if that meant depriving myself of meals so my husband can find me appealing than that is something I am willing to endure. But I am reaching my wits end, I only had a handful of dried berries for the past two weeks and the pain in my stomach was making sleep difficult. But it will all be worth it, once I get married, I will have feasts every day of my life. Roasted potatoes, fresh vegetables, sweet fruit and meat, a delicacy for only those who could afford it, slabs of bacon, roasted chickens, and steak. 

Steak. 

The smell of steak suddenly overwhelms my senses and sends me bolting upright in my bed. I was supposed to be getting my beauty sleep but the overwhelming aroma was too good to ignore. I stick my nose slightly in the air and take a large sniff. It tingled in my nostrils, metallic, and sweet and just slightly sour all at once. I felt my arms and legs vibrate with energy, goosebumps ran through my body like waves. The aroma coming from the kitchen sends me on a predatory hunt for the source. I rose from my bed and into the dark halls. The smell was unlike anything I had experienced before, it made my stomach ache and growl. I truly felt like a lion on the prowl.

When I finally entered the kitchen it was just as dark as the halls, the only source of light came from the bright full moon shining through the window creating a picturesque spotlight on the source of the tantalizing smell. And there on the counter was a steak. Placed perfectly in the center of my mothers heirloom plate. One of fine porcelain that had been handed down from her great grandmother and that was only used when we had important guests.  Decorated with delicately painted flowers and vines, but the steak seemed the most beautiful part of the dish now. 

I stared at it in astonishment. I had never eaten meat before. It was always the most expensive food at the marketplace, so we were never able to buy any. How were we suddenly able to buy some now? My mother had just paid my dowry, there's very little possibility she would be able to afford one now. I looked around, there isn't any one here, no pans or utensils out, everything was neatly in its place. Windows were locked, doors were closed, so who could have possibly put this here? I looked at the plate again, in the moonlight the juices glistened, and the smell had my stomach rolling with a desperate hunger. 

To hell with my figure, I had been so good, I’ve done everything right, checked all my boxes and followed all the rules, I’m allowed this one indulgence. I picked up the knife and fork that had been placed neatly alongside the plate and cut a small piece. By now my mouth salivated with anticipation, I felt a little dribble down my chin but couldn't find the patience to care, I was just so hungry. So I took a bite. The taste alone almost made me fall to my knees. It was perfectly buttery, silky smooth and tender and completely melted on my tongue. So this is what they've been keeping from us? This is what people save months for? What I felt was practically euphoric and I have been missing out on this all because I couldn't afford it? But after tasting it myself I can almost understand why. I was about to take another bite but it was interrupted by my mother barging into the kitchen and filling the room with more of her light from the candelabra she carried. 

“What in God's name are you doing girl, you're supposed to be in bed, you are getting married tomorrow in case you forgot.”

I can only look at her in dumb shock. I was still reeling myself back down to Earth, my taste buds still singing. Finally, my brain awoke.

“I..was hungry and I couldn't sleep so..” I didn't know what else to say. I didn't fully know the answer myself.  “Where did this steak come from?”

“Steak?” 

“Yes mother, this steak, where did it come from? Who bought it?”

“For heaven's sake dear that was supposed to be a surprise, a gift from Bruce.”

Bruce was my mothers boss. She worked at the corner butchers' shop, packaging and selling. It was the only place that would hire her after my father had left. No one wanted a woman around whose husband ran off on her, they brought bad luck. But Bruce saw her desperation and took pity on her, but little did he know what kind of investment he was making. His business almost doubled in patronage since my mother started working there, who knew having such a pretty face at the counter would be so good for business.

“It was supposed to be chilled, I could have sworn I put it away, give it here.”

She made her way over to me and went to grab the plate but for a reason I cannot fully understand that small action sent me into a panic.

“WAIT!” I shouted as I shot my hand out to grab hold of her wrist so hard she dropped the plate with a loud clank.

“Ow Liza, what are you doing, let go!” 

Her gaze shifted from her wrist I clamped tightly unto to the steak on her now chipped plate.
“Liza…you didn't eat this did you? It completely raw you stupid girl.”

I followed her gaze to the plate and looked at the steak again and she was right, now with her extra provided light I can see just how bloody the steak truly was. 

“I didn't know...”

“This is why you don't go sneaking around feeding your temptations, the night before your wedding no less, what would your poor husband think?”

I couldn't find the energy to argue with her, and she led me back to my bed. 

Try as I might I couldn't get a wink of sleep, my stomach still growled and ached and my mind was still buzzing with the memory of that delicious steak. What did it matter if it was cooked or not, it tasted just as good to me, I couldn't imagine how cooking it could make it taste any better. The woman didn't even let me finish, didn't let me take one more bite, what was so bad about that? Nothing, I decided. 

I threw my covers off and prowled once again to the kitchen and revealed my prize. I ripped open the packaging and lifted the steak in my hands, overcome with hunger I thought, ‘to hell with utensils’ and took a bite. The second bite was even more mouth watering than the first, and the third even better than that and the fourth even better. By the time I had taken the last bite all that was left was a bloody puddle and the smell lingering on my fingers. My hunger was finally satisfied. Now I can sleep and be ready for my wedding.
~ ~ ~

The following morning was agony. The satisfaction of my late-night snack had long worn off, and my stomach ached like it never had before. But this wasn't the ailment pain that I had felt before after accidentally drinking spoiled milk as a child. This was my hunger returning, stronger than before and it had me on the verge of collapsing. My mother was helping me into my gown when I nearly fell into her arms. I caught myself on the edge of the vanity sending what little we had on it shattering onto the floor. No worries, my husband will buy us all new ones.

“Liza dear, whatever is wrong?”

“My stomach, I’m so hungry, just let me eat something, anything, I’ll be quick I promise.”

“Absolutely not, the ceremony is going to begin soon and you are going to ruin your dress. Besides I’m sure that raw steak you indulged yourself on is the cause of all this. Now your poor husband has to accept a gluttonous bride, at least you're young and pretty, I'm sure he can find some use for you.”

I could barely focus on what she was telling me, the pain in my stomach was so intense all I could do was wrap myself in my arms and crouch to the ground. How am I supposed to be the perfect bride when I feel so awful? If only I could have something to eat, anything, why was this small wish so difficult for me to obtain? 
Why was my own mother so adamant on my suffering?

“Liza, are you even listening to me? Liza!” She reached out to grab my shoulder and for the smallest second I could have sworn I could smell the steak again. It completely overwhelmed my brain and all I could think to do was take a bite.

The taste was just as good as I remembered, maybe even better. Perfectly tender, savory and salty with just a hint of something so sweet. I wanted more, more, more. If I wanted to be the perfect bride I had to feel my best and I can only do that on a full stomach. 

I left the same bloody puddle behind as before except this time the smell not only lingered on my fingers but all over. I couldn't go out there like this, but this was my only wedding dress and I ruined it, just like mother said I would.  What would I wear now? I looked around the small room, I knew there would be nothing in here so I went towards my mothers room instead, if memory serves right, she kept her own dress from all those years ago. I opened her armoire and among the measly three other dresses she owned, one for work, one for home and one for church, was her old wedding dress. It was dusty and slightly yellowed but it was still cleaner than my own so I adorned hers instead. After all, she still had to walk me down the aisle, and now she still can. 
~ ~ ~

I stood outside the church doors alone waiting for them to open and reveal my husband to me and I to him. After this night, no more laboring away at chores, no more haggling prices at the marketplace, no more being lowly and poor. A new life awaits me, a better one, one I am deserving of.

Finally, the chapel doors open, the organ rings as loud as bells and I make my way down the aisle. My stance is meek and demure, blushing and elegant and perfect. I look only at the path ahead, it is much too bold to make eye contact with my future husband now, it is much more modest to wait until I reach him. 

Murmurs could be heard throughout the congregation. Whispers of gossip I'm sure to be able to hear from one of my servants as they rub my feet. Maybe about how beautiful I looked or how utterly graceful I walked, or how my husband is so lucky and how my mother was not. Or maybe they will ponder about my solitary entrance or my antique dress or my reddened hands or the twinge of copper that follows my scent or how hungry I am.

The thought paused my steps in an instance, the action causing me to stumble, and my veil to slip off my head, revealing me to my audience. How hungry I am. Hungry? How could I be hungry? I just ate.

“I just ate my mother.”

The organ stopped. The whispers silenced. My soon to be husband spoke. 
“What was that dear? You ate what?”
His accent is completely posh and proper, that of a wealthy upbringing. One I will learn to mimic and adapt.

“Uh, um, nothing ,my love, I just, I just hate how my mother couldn't be here. How terribly improper of her, I do apologize sir.” I curtsy deeply, head bowed straight to the floor, my eyes closed in reverence. 

“What's improper is you interrupting the ceremony, child, now come here and let us finish this.”

The whispers started again, the organ roared back to life, but it wasn't nearly as loud as the pounding of my heart inside my ears. I let out a breath and that action alone almost made me burst into tears. I was so overwhelmed, I had no idea where to focus my mind. On the humiliation that is becoming my wedding day, on the whispering wenches in the crowd, of how itchy this damn dress was or how I had eaten my mother and I was still hungry.

I straightened my back, now looking straight into my soon to be husband's eyes. He raised an inquisitive eyebrow at me and held out his hand. I fixed my veil back over my eyes, and rested my bouquet neatly back into my hands. I took a deep breath and used all of my will to ignore the gnawing hunger in my stomach. Almost there. I’m almost there. Galas and grand balls and imported goods and everything handed to me on a silver platter. Just a little more. I’m almost there. Finally I was close enough to reach for my so very soon to be husbands hand, he took my hand gently at first before yanking me in front of him, he whispered harshly,

“Honestly child the nerve of you. As soon as we get back to my estate we are whipping you into shape.”
He looked into my eyes and even from beneath my veil I could feel his burning gaze. I repeated the visual mantra in my head before bowing to him, “Of course sir.”

He huffed and grabbed my other hand then turned to the priest,
“Apologies for the girl, good man, do continue.”

The priest started up again and I performed my part perfectly. I remembered all my lines with all the poise of the princess I was destined to be. Vows were said and my husband was about to place the ring on my finger, he glanced down and his eyebrows furrowed deeply,
“Good God Liza, what is on your hands?”
He whispers and quickly peered up at me.

I glanced down at them myself and truly couldn't blame him for his being upset. It was quite an unusual sight. My nails were stained red, and all around my nails beds as well as underneath my nails, lay thick layers of caked blood. Guess I had not scrubbed as thoroughly as I thought. 

I looked back up at him and smiled sweetly, “Just wedding day nerves dear.”
His lip twitched and he harshly shoved the ring onto my finger and dropped my hand. 
“You may now kiss your bride.”

This was it, while standing before God himself I will finally become a wife, a perfect little filthy rich bride. I had finally made it. My husband took the ends of my veil and flicked it over my head. I was finally married. He grabbed the back of my neck roughly and brought his lips to mine. And while I should have been thinking about my beautiful new life, all I could think about was how sweet he smelled, and how hungry I was. And how all I want is just. One. Bite.