I'm scared to complain about anything and I don't know if that makes me likable or hateable

Even before I got clinically sick (lupus) I was scared to complain because you never know who has it worse, I didn't wanna be annoying, what if it's not that serious, I can handle it, bla bla bla

And even now that I have answers and I know I'm not crazy I still just don't want to complain about anything. What good is it to mention that I'm in pain if I'm in pain all the time? Or even, how do I explain that I'm too tired to do something as stupid as answering a text message?

My best friend always says whatever is on their mind, including random pains or symptoms they might have in the moment. I didn't mind it at first of course and I don't mind it on its own but when I think more about it, I think, does that mean I deserve to complain about all my stuff whenever it bothers me? Because it bothers me all the time. I don't want to be that person that's always saying "I'm tired." And I really, REALLY, don't wanna be annoying. I don't want people to get tired of my complaining, or of me, I don't want people to think I'm sympathy farming... is that what I'm doing though??

But on the other hand, I feel like people don't understand the full extent of how my symptoms effect me, and how MUCH they effect me, and maybe because I don't talk about it, they forget, or don't understand the degree, and I really worry that they think my cancelling plans, unseen texts, or spaced out vibe in convos is because I don't like them and not because of my genuine struggles. I'm so scared of that. But at the same time I'm scared to bring it up. I don't know how many people understand that responding to texts can take serious mental effort sometimes, and I also don't know if they even cared in the first place. What if they see it as complaining? But also what if they understand the explanation and give me some grace?? How would I even bring it up???

And about yesterday, long story short I went to an amusement park with my friends, it was very hot and very sunny (Texas 🙃) and naturally I was feeling like absolute shit within the first hour. I just couldn't get myself to be myself. I was responding so bluntly, I couldn't make eye contact with anyone, I was putting more focus into putting one foot in front of the other than being social. In retrospect, I feel like an asshole, even if there was nothing I could do about it. I did the most I could. I prioritized walking and put my personality on the back burner. I want to throw up just thinking about it. Because I didn't say a word of my discomfort to my friends. I didn't say anything about the pain or nausea or dizziness or malaise or the god damn fatigue 😩 I just kept going even though everything was telling me to stop, because I didn't want to be the thing that takes away from my friend's fun.

Now, I've been absolutely shot all day, doing nothing but laying down and scrolling or watching anime. Then I started getting a headache, which then started turning into a migraine at the same time as my mom beginning to bother me. I was just trying to get over it but my vision got crazy distorted and my head felt like it was splitting open and I couldn't do anything but cry because I feel like I've been going through so much and no one recognizes it. I just want someone to tell me that I'm doing a good job getting up in the morning, but instead, I'm being told that I'm not doing enough because I didn't get any scholarships and can't really do household chores right now. I told my mom everything I mentioned in here and she didn't reply. Everything hurt so bad and she wouldn't turn down the tv so I went to my dark room and haven't been able to get up since.

I know my pain isn't as bad as it could be, I'm young so it's probably not that bad.. I shouldn't have gone on the trip if I thought I would weigh everyone down. I feel like I've been so selfish since my health started slumping, I never do chores, I never say yes to extra events, I struggle to respond to messages, I struggle to show personality in conversations, and I wanted to do something for all my friends now that we're about to graduate but I just can't. I can't commit myself to something like that. I'm so burnt out from giving it my all and trying to keep the life I had before I got like this. I don't want to give up and reduce the expectations I have for my life but... my mom always says I should set my expectations low so I'll never be disappointed 🙃

Anyway. Tldr, I don't want to be annoying, so I don't complain about anything I'm going through, but I feel like because I don't complain, people don't understand what's going on in my life and consider my actions (or inactions) the same way they would consider the actions of a healthy person, and think negatively of me because of it.