they see me as nothing more than a free babysitter

im nothing more than a free babysitter to them

I knew it was a mistake moving back home. I thought maybe I was being dramatic when I left home at 19 and got my own place. I moved to a bigger town, had a big girl job and thought my life was finally starting. Boy if only I knew the world of pain that awaited me. I'll spare you the details but after five years I came back thinking maybe this would be a better situation to homelessness. Materliastically it is but I cant get over how much my parents see me as a free babysitter for my disabled little brother. It just doens't make sense how they never talk to me unless it's about him. They never tell me where they are going just expect me to watch him as they head out with no notice. They don't ask me about my summer plans. They've already planned a hawaii trip without me and expect me to stay behind and watch him. They also don't ask me about my career goals or about college or anything. It just hurts realizing how alone and unwanted I am. Not even my own family gives a shit about me so no wonder I can't form any friends. They hire a real babysitter on the weekends and actually pay her so at least I get my weekends off but I resent the fact that they see me as free labor but have no problem paying a stranger for the same job. Everything I do is incorrect in their eyes and warrants mircomanaging. Always calling me during the day asking me if Im going to pick him up. Barking orders at me through one of the many cameras in the house while at work. And when my time is up they take my brother to their room to watch TV with him and forget about me until the next day. Im shocked that after five years of no contact they arent even a little bit curious as to what I've been up to. When the other babysitter took a week off to recover from a breakup they talked to her about it so it's not llike they don't know what empathy is. Whatever. Im too old to be vying for the emotional validation of my parents. Im an adult so I need to figure out what to do next with my life. Sometimes it's just so demotivating how lonely I am. It makes it hard to do anything because I don't know where to go next since I'm equally a stranger everywhere. I don't know what to do with myself because I'm not very good at anything but I still need to figure out a career since everything costs money lol. Sometimes I feel hopeless like there's not future for me. Its just so weird how they avoid me and ignore me and go out to eat food and come home with leftovers and I ask them what's for dinner and they tell me to make myself some eggs or they make snarky remarks about my current weight gain since I did turn to food for comfort the past two years lol such bullshit.

Im just so demoralized by my sistuation. I wish I had a lover to escape with or friends to confide in or a career to work on or something. Besides babysiting I end up just eating and watching TV because there just isnt anything more for me to do. Wow I hate my life.

PS I already tried therapy for three years and none of that helped me. I realized one day that no therapist can actually help me with my situation so I decided to save my money instead and cancel my appointments months ago. The truth is some of us are just born at the bottom of the totem pole and there's not much to do beyond that.