Why I'll never depend on anyone for survival

*Trigger warning, elements of abuse contained*

I grew up in a very religious household. I'm talking about prayers twice a day, Wednesdays for prayer meetings, we weren't allowed to watch certain films cause they were deemed as "demonic" (like Harry Potter, any magical based movies), hell we weren't even allows to sleep with teddy bears cause mum truly believed that demons can possess them and brainwash us when we were asleep. There was also a strict focus on obedience and submission as my dad was the head of the household, this small hierarchy is the reason why I may actually be k|ll£d.

so for context my parents are very, very @bus1ve (don't mind the censorship here Reddit has been messing with me for a while), like physically, verbally, financially and mentally. They believed God gave them the authority to h1t their kids because of "spare the rod, spoil the child" to the point they threaten to hospitalise us for the severity of the 'punishments', I've lost my eye once at five for not finishing my food on time and they couldn't take me to the hospital cause how would they tell the doctors the reason why a child lost her eye. I also suffer from a permanent shoulder tic where my shoulders jerk like it's being electrocuted from time to time. financial abuse was another thing, but it was mostly practiced by my mum to ME as the oldest daughter, she hated me from birth. she has told me that she would have gotten rid of me if she had the chance and how I don't deserve life on multiple occasions, whenever dad gave me money for stuff or whenever I had savings she'd demand the money saying she'll "pay me back" or even tell me to use the money to buy groceries and if I ask for it back she'd call me selfish for not just giving her for free. My mum is a SAHM so my dad is the sole provider, they argued a lot of money and I'd always see my mum cry then blame me for being the reason they fought, saying I wasn't grateful enough even though I did majority of the chores in the house plus caring for my siblings.

Now here's where the issue came, our country is a war prone zone and band|t @ttacks are on the rise, we just had a case of a man being b£he@ded live and 45 kids taken from their families still in captiv1ty, I remember being the one who begged my parents for three years, on my knees, crying and pleading for us to go abroad because we had the funds. half of my classmates had gone and the insecurity over here is awful (btw the band1ts causing this are the same ones which have been harrasing places like Sudan and Republic of Congo if you have been hearing the news). I remember going to school and seeing the streets stained red, seeing bodies on the floor with no one helping as a kid. Everyone would just say "God will protect us" and move on, like there aren't kids who are still being held hostage. I asked my dad again this time trying to urge him cause it's getting too much and he says "no, I am the head of the household and I decide whether we stay or leave". I remember going to my room and sitting on the floor cause what do you mean there is a chance I might actually D|E, get grap£d and be dumped because the one who was given "authority" over me said no. I don't know what to do, I don't have any money and my mum who is supposed to be the one to convince him doesn't have a job.